Recurring Dreams

Many years ago, I endured two recurring dreams.  They were really more like  nightmares.  

The first dream started right after 9/11.  I was at work when 9/11 happened; I'm sure most people were.  In my dream, armed, masked people came through my office space.  They were screaming for everyone to stay where they were.  I jumped under my desk in hopes of saving my life.  I struggled to control myself from shaking too much or breathing too loudly as I watched a parade of combat boots pass by the space between my desk and the floor.  

After a short time, one of the masked people must have noticed me because he - or she - stopped, bent down, and made eye contact with me.  I could feel my eyes widening.  In my mind, I knew my life was over.  But the person just stood up, yelled "all clear!" and kept moving.  I had that dream several time while I was in the military.  I don't recall ever having it since I've been out of the military.  

I've always taken the meaning of the dream at face value.

The second recurring dream also started while I was in the military.  But it was of a much less dramatic nature.  And, it didn't always end exactly the same.  The dream always started with me in my car - an Oldsmobile Bravada that I loved so much.  I was always going in reverse in the dream.  And my brakes never worked.  Usually, after a tremendous struggle to control my car, I would hit the vehicle behind me.  I remember once or twice I was able to stop before I hit the car behind me.

I've had this dream several times.  Even after I got out of the military.  A therapist told me that the dream meant that I "felt" that I wasn't going forward in my life and that I had no control over any of it.  At the time, I guess that was pretty applicable.

Today, I recalled those dreams because last night, I had the car dream again after so many years of not having it.  While some factors of the original dream have changed, many have remained the same.

Last night, I was in my current vehicle - a truck.  My son was with me.  While driving down the road, the engine just stopped.  I tried to coast over to the shoulder of the road.  Although I couldn't get the truck to start, I was still able to go in reverse.  The shoulder of the road was very narrow, so I kept going in reverse until I felt like I was far enough off the highway to be safe.  

In this dream, there was a puddle behind me.  As I got closer and closer to the puddle, I tried to put on the brakes because I didn't want to get out of the car into the water.  However... the brakes were not working.  And the puddle wasn't actually a puddle, it was a pond.  As the front of the truck tipped upwards, I started to panic.  I had to get my son and myself out before it was too late.

I'm not really sure how I ended up getting out of the truck.  The next thing I remember is me and my son being okay out of the truck surrounded by police.

I'm sure with the current state of my affairs, this newer version of my old dream has the same meaning.  Since I made it through the last bought of this recurring nightmare, I have faith that I'll survive this one as well.

Peace & Love (and sweet dreams)
cas

Reasonably Happy Podcast, Episode 2 - "My" Upside of Divorce

I talk about a few of the things that contributed to my divorce, and what I'm looking forward to in the coming months.  

New job!

Unemployment is tough on every person who must unwillingly experience it.  However, I do feel it's a little tougher when you feel like you've done everything "the right way", yet you still can't find gainful employment.

Graduate high school.  Check! 
Serve in the military.  Check! 
Get a degree (in an actually employable field).  Check! 
Get a masters degree.  Check! 

Growing up, I was told that getting these things checked off would guarantee my employment for the rest of my life.   What I wasn't told was that depending on where I lived, none of it would really matter.  By that I (mostly) mean that I live in the middle of nowhere(ish).  I also have a young, school-age child.  And, up until a few days ago, all of my acceptable job options included a 45+ minutes commute each way. 

I know that plenty of people commute a long way every day. Yay for them.  But for me, rather than being able to enjoy being employed, I would be putting the majority of my paycheck into my gas tank and before/after care for my child; and the majority of my free time into driving.  As I stated before, tons of people do it all the time.  I choose not to.  And I have accepted the repercussions of that choice. 

So, given all that, no, I don't want to work a job that pays $12-$13/hour.  I also don't want to work a job with no dress code.  Believe me, neither do you.  And while I don't need (or really want) to be the boss, I certainly have enough skills and experience to not be on the bottom rung. 

I have, thankfully, found a job less than 10 minutes from my house.  The pay is acceptable; especially given the lack of commute.  I also have wonderful friends who are willing to help me get my kiddo to/from school if I need it.  The job is only for one year, and I'm okay with that.  Who knows, maybe I'll wow them, and they'll ask me to stay.

Peace and Love,
cas

First Podcast

Don't call it a comeback

Welcome back!

After a few years, I've decided to resurrect my blog.  

Why?  

Well, I'm starting a new path, and I have so many things to say that I'm sure I would bore my friends and family to death if I said them all.  That being said, I'm not much of a phone talker.  Texting is more my speed, but I don't enjoy texting because it's not the same as typing.

I decided to archive all of my old posts.  They were from a time in my life when I was quite unhappy; although it did start to shift towards contentment.  Some of it was just some ugly stuff that's better forgotten.  Life, at present, is full, busy, and very content.  I guess I could say that I am reasonably happy right now.

What am I going to talk about?

I'll talk about raising my child as a lonely only while newly divorced.  Oh the guilt!  I'll drop a post here and there about teaching at a school whose policies I don't completely agree with.  And, of course, there will be my opinions on some of my favorite TV shows and books.  This is not the limit of things I will be talking about, merely a preview.

Have a look around.  Feel free to leave a link in the comment section if you have a blog you'd like me to check out.

Thanks for stopping by!

cas