Podcast #5: The One Who Got Away

Are there other fish in the sea?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Many of us torture ourselves daydreaming about the "what if's" of a love lost and what could have been.

Courting

We went to our first court date last week.  I didn't know what to expect, so it was nothing like I expected.  We were ushered into a tiny room with a man who, I assume, has some sort of legal training and a lady who was the reporter/stenographer.  Are they even called stenographers anymore?

The man was uncomfortable that we are still living in the same house.  It's really the financially responsible thing for us considering my lack of income.  And, STBX is hardly ever there.  So, it works out.

For the sake of my sanity, I've decided to buy him out of "his share" of the house.  He has to be out by July 31st.  The law man says, "you're on the hook for all the bills come August 1st."  I replied, "I've been on the hook financially this entire marriage, that's why I'm getting divorced."  He gave a weak smile, but I'm sure I made him more uncomfortable. 

After going over all of the paperwork, the law guy decided that I should be responsible for half of the debt.  I straight out told him that I was not paying half of credit card debt that was used for trips and other things to make STBX's life more comfortable and pleasurable while I paid for preschool tuition, dental procedures, school fees, etc. for our child all by myself.  STBX, being the martyr that he is, told the man that he was fine to cover the debt - his debt.  Although he tried to make it seem like the debt was a result of taking care of our family.  So, I asked him to account for the $135,000 from the sale of the house in Arizona.  That money certainly wasn't applied to the purchase of the house we currently reside in.  And there has not been that much familial maintenance.  Ever.

The best part of court was that law man doesn't think that it would be fair for STBX to pay all of his own debt and child support.  Yeah, that just happened.  So, when we go back, I'm going to ask the court if I should be the one to suffer while STBX takes monthly international trips and makes payments on his condo that he won't be living in full time.  

I suspect it will cause some sort of turmoil that will result in August 8th not being the first day of the rest of my life.  But I think I'm willing to take that chance.

Although I had hoped it would not come to this, I will be contacting a lawyer; for a consultation at least.  I had hoped to be able to save those thousands of dollars to live off of, but STBX is just not being reasonable.  And I can't wait for karma, I need my justice now.

Podcast #4: Only child and sibling relationships

Today, I talked about the ups and downs of having siblings (from a sibling point of view) and being an only child (from a parent point of view).

On Second Thought

It seems that my STBX (soon to be ex-husband) is having second thoughts.  He hasn't come out and said it, but I can tell from his actions.

We've been down this road before.  I have no intentions of going back.

Sadly, I don't really feel that the second thoughts have anything to do with emotions or suddenly realizing we could have a good thing if we just both worked on it.  I think that he just realized that what I've been telling him all along is true: he's going to have more bills without me.  

You would think that anyone would realize that when there are two people contributing to any venture, no matter how small the contribution, it's still a contribution.  My STBX didn't see it that way.  The only time he saw it that was when I was the one paying the bigger portion.

Being mostly unemployed for the past three years hasn't given me much to contribute.  I pay the internet/home security, the home and auto insurances, dental insurance for myself and Bubby, and I buy all of the communal food.  In addition to that, any money that has to be spent on Bubby comes from me: copays, school fees, swim lessons, book fairs.  

For the past year, I've been living measly sub paycheck to sub paycheck.  It's scary.  I need brakes on the rear end of my vehicle.  Now's not a good time.  Just when I thought I was about to get ahead, Bubby sprained his ankle at a birthday party.  $300.  Oh, the same amount as rear brakes.

I don't expect the next year to be easy.  I'll be making just enough to survive.  And every emergency will, most likely, send my budget into a tailspin.  But I know that in the end it will all be worth it.  There is no turning back now.  

Peace and Love
cas

Reasonably Happy Podcast, Episode 3 - The Downside of Divorce

In this episode, I talk about the things that will be tougher now that I'm going it alone.