It seems that my STBX (soon to be ex-husband) is having second thoughts. He hasn't come out and said it, but I can tell from his actions.
We've been down this road before. I have no intentions of going back.
Sadly, I don't really feel that the second thoughts have anything to do with emotions or suddenly realizing we could have a good thing if we just both worked on it. I think that he just realized that what I've been telling him all along is true: he's going to have more bills without me.
You would think that anyone would realize that when there are two people contributing to any venture, no matter how small the contribution, it's still a contribution. My STBX didn't see it that way. The only time he saw it that was when I was the one paying the bigger portion.
Being mostly unemployed for the past three years hasn't given me much to contribute. I pay the internet/home security, the home and auto insurances, dental insurance for myself and Bubby, and I buy all of the communal food. In addition to that, any money that has to be spent on Bubby comes from me: copays, school fees, swim lessons, book fairs.
For the past year, I've been living measly sub paycheck to sub paycheck. It's scary. I need brakes on the rear end of my vehicle. Now's not a good time. Just when I thought I was about to get ahead, Bubby sprained his ankle at a birthday party. $300. Oh, the same amount as rear brakes.
I don't expect the next year to be easy. I'll be making just enough to survive. And every emergency will, most likely, send my budget into a tailspin. But I know that in the end it will all be worth it. There is no turning back now.
Peace and Love
cas
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