Reasonably Happy Gal

Fare thee well, 2010

2011-01-01T23:28:00.000-06:00

2010 was quite the year for me. Actually, only one spectacular thing happened for me, but it was a big one.

I became a momma!!

While I was expecting to welcome my bundle of love between February 27th - March 1st; he decided that January 23rd was a much better birthday.

So, to date, 2010 has been the best year of my life. Watching my little man go from virtually motionless spectator to too curious, stair-climbing, practically running rugrat has been the most exciting experience ever.

While I welcome 2011 and all it has to offer; I will miss my baby and try to enjoy watching him turn into a big boy.

I Dream of…

2009-07-18T03:19:00.001-05:00

July 17, 2009

Food!!! All the time now. Most especially club sandwiches and Cobb salads. I swear, my first stop will be Wal-Mart to get one of those Cobb salads they sell in their deli. And a pack of Tic-Tacs. Been a while since I had some. I also want a hotdog. A good steak. Fruit salad. Olive Garden breadsticks. A Blizzard (but with chocolate ice cream) with Oreos and cashews (don't think that is an option though).

I really hope I don't drive myself insane with these craving. But the fact that all I ever dream about anymore is food is a bad sign that I'm already headed that way.

I Miss Fruit & Home

2009-07-18T03:18:00.001-05:00

July 17, 2009

Fruit is just so hard to come by here. I am so tired of eating hot food. I want something cool and refreshing. Grapes, strawberries, apples. I did have tangerines the other weekend. But that didn't cut it. I hope I can find more tomorrow in the market.

As the term is winding down, I am finding that my coworkers are as not as interested in school as I am – or was. But at this point, it doesn't bother me as much as it did in the beginning. I've been spending more time than I should reading. In the past 3 weeks, I've read 8 children's books, Roots (loved it, gotta rent the movie and watch it over now that I'm older) and Delores Claiborne. I love Stephen King novels. And I like how his movies turn out (usually).

All my exams are done and graded. I've even printed out my achievement certificates. I will staple all that together and someone else can pass it out for me whenever they get around to it.

Oh, we're having beef tonight. Meet is not a regular in our diet these days unless we are in the city. So, the thought of iron and protein has me really excited.

I have slacked a lot on updating my blog as well as emailing people. I've been tired. And just not interested in biking all the way to town to use the internet. Soon, though, it won't be an issue. Nor will fruit.

Anti-Black?

2009-05-20T03:58:00.001-05:00

So, I've been watching a lot of movies lately that I normally would not watch because desperate times call for desperate measures.

In my borrowed-movie repertoire, there has been a collection of Wesley Snipes movies. Now, I used to LOVE Wesley Snipes circa "New Jack City", but then something happened and the love faded. Not sure what or who (probably John Stamos, but I don't think so. Ha) Tastes change.

So, I'm watching like six or seven different Wesley movies, and I notice a common theme in all of them – Wesley only has white or Latino women as his love interest.

Now, I know that in "Passenger 57" the flight attendant was Black, BUT she was so darn light she could pass. And the relationship was only implied; like, "he's gonna take her out to dinner when they escape these hijackers." And in this other movie called "Hard Luck", he has a Black wife, but she is killed off (from Hurricane Katrina) without even having a role in the movie. She's all flashbacks.

Even in "Waiting to Exhale", he tells Angela, "My wife is white…"

Okay, so what the hell happened to Wesley that his contract is now "I will not work with a Black woman"? He ain't all that. Seriously! I know he has some anti-Black woman crap going on in his personal life, but career-wise? I guess he's just not that good of an actor that he can pretend to be in a relationship with a Black woman.

It's really no skin off my nose (or any other parts for that matter) but as dark as he is, you know his momma is Black. Can't he at least have some respect for her? I am sure ONE Black woman did him wrong. The way he's going, it's like we're all the enemy.

I wonder how many Black women HE did wrong. Are they anti-Black man? Who knows? Who cares? I was just noticing because I watched like six of his movies in two or three days.

No School This Week

2009-05-20T03:57:00.001-05:00

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

So, four months after missing the big political event in my own country, I get to sit inside and hear the campaigning and after effects of an election in my current "home" country. Yes, today is Election Day. I don't know how long it takes for results to come out, and I don't know what will be the outcome/backlash of that. But so far, nothing out of the ordinary has happened; except that school is closed.

Even though most everyone knows I am "Black America" here, they still ask me who I'm going to vote for. I always reply that I voted (emphasis on past tense) for Obama. Then they tell me that after living here for seven years, I can vote and even start my own political career. I think I'll pass.

The only big highlights since the last time have been tons of Monopoly and Trivial Pursuit. Tomorrow (Wednesday) a few of us are probably going to the Pottery for lunch. I need to go to Angela's house and raid her school lab. We'll see how all that works out. I'm looking forward to going someplace that isn't a long way to go, and being back home before the sun goes down.

We were going to paint, but we don't have paint thinner. The brushes are only good for one use without it. I am hoping that there is paint thinner at the paint store and that's it's open tomorrow. I am going to take pictures of my kitchen before and after. As well as some other rooms and things that I am sure all my friends back home are wanting to see.

Other than all that, not much going on.

Cloudy Days so no power to blog this week

2009-05-14T12:58:00.001-05:00

May 14, 2009

I let a friend use my computer on Sunday. That zapped all my power. It rained about every day this week, so not a lot of power stores.

Right now, I'm at a lodge with my hubby because we need to use the internet at 8PM to buy some tickets for some events at the Winter Olympics. Nowhere to use internet in my little town. We thought we were going to have to go to Lilongwe, but then we remembered this place. Thank God. It was only a 90 minute trip. And tomorrow, we can go to Coco's site – only 8km away and spend the day with her.

I need to send a Happy Birthday shout-out to Akiba. That was on the 12^th. This is my proof that I didn't forget just in case she didn't get my text message, which is highly likely.

We had today off from school. Kamuzu Day. I'm sure he (or she) did something great for this country. I enjoy a day off. I only have one class tomorrow, so I'm going to be absent. And next week is mid-term break. We will probably go to Salima one day. Or just hang out around the house.

Chris started painting the bedroom yesterday. That was pretty great. I've been meaning to do that, but never did. Next week, we're going to paint the kitchen and another room. Only so much paint, so all the walls don't get painted. Probably just the ones with bat turds on them.

I don't really have all that much on my mind lately. Been teaching myself about moles, empirical formulas, concentrations, and molarity – why wasn't this stuff so easy back in Chem 101 and 102? I've had a pretty good time re-learning chemistry.

One of my students complained about her grade, and I realized that she was listed twice in my grade book (name spelled differently and in a different order) so, she was, in fact, my #2 student for the term. But because she didn't use the same damn name every time she turned in an assignment, I didn't give her full credit. I will rectify this next week. I don't know how many times I've told them to write the SAME NAME every time.

I had my site visit this week. Apparently, I'm doing pretty well. They didn't stay very long. That's always a good thing. I didn't want them hanging around.

Well, I will have more to write next week – or not – but I will be able to write more since I have a full charge now and I'll have more sunny days.

Happy Mother’s Day

2009-05-14T12:57:00.001-05:00

May 10, 2009

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

I have to wait till later in the day to talk to MY momma, but I will hit her up.

*** *** ***

And this is how we went

(ring ring ring ring) In her defense, it was 7:30AM. So, I gotta give a momma a break.

Ma: Hello

Me: Happy Mother's Day!!!!

Ma: Who is this?

*Okay, now this is where I can't quite give the break. My momma only has 4 kids, so it was a 25% chance it was me. Then, there are only 3 girls, so my odds go up to 33%. Consider my sister with the two kids ain't never up early unless one of those kids is sick, so my odds go up to 50-50.

Me: It's your favorite daughter!

*And she knew who it was immediately. THAT'S what I'm talking about.

I only had 2 minutes to talk, but I thought it was worth every cent to call my momma today.

Rainy season was supposed to be over

2009-05-09T04:10:00.001-05:00

May 9, 2009

It's raining. Rainy season was supposed to be officially over. I guess I will just hang out and do Sudoku puzzles until it stops. If it stops.

I let all the air out of my tire because the piece of shit bike pump they gave me is, well, a piece of shit. As well, I don't think the bike is all that great. So, I can either walk to town – when the rain stops – and tell them to bring me a pump I can actually use on Wednesday. Or, I can push the bike to town, pay K50 to get the tire pumped, and ride back. I have to say that my mood is not one that is excited about walking to town – with or without the bike. My mood is one that is just tired of the bullshit that goes along with all this.

Yes, there we have it folks, I'm fed up. It actually makes sense. When I think about my philosophy of deployments, I feel that a person can endure any amount of bullshit for 6 months. Well, my six months have expired. And now the bullshit is just irritating. Because I KNOW that they can do better. I guess that is the part that really bugs me the most. Knowing that they can do better, but they choose not to do better.

I could use this time to organize my office – again. I swear it only takes one quiz or homework assignment to get this room in complete disarray. It is too small. And I don't have the storage devices I would like. But I do have it better than most. At least this place came with built in shelves; in two of the bedrooms and in the hallway for a pantry. And another room has a closet (no door, but a place to hang clothes.)

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. So, I've got some units saved up so that I can give my momma a shout out. I think she will be very surprised to hear from me. I just hope she is there to answer the phone. And that she knows she only has 2 minutes to talk. LOL.

Tuesday is Akiba's birthday. I may give her a 1 minute birthday shout out. These shout outs can get expensive when you're working off of $6 a day.

It's beginning to rain harder. Makes me want to just crawl right back into bed. And I think I will just do that.

Well, the rain stopped. I walked my bike to a bike fix-it shop. And now I'm here. Hope to be home in under two hours cooking beans.

TGIF

2009-05-09T04:09:00.007-05:00

May 8, 2009

I've never been a fan of "TGIF", but for the life of me, I'm so glad that today is Friday.

I was going to come and scan some stuff, but my power source seems to be sourced out right now. I would have thought I had a little more juice than that. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. But since I will be in Lilongwe on Thursday/Friday, I can just as well drop it off. I might change my mind again. We'll see how I feel after this last class and some tea.

I decided to skip out of the staff room atmosphere and go get a couple of buckets of water. I would have gotten a couple more, but once I go; the whole village goes. They NEVER go when the sun is high… unless I go. I guess not to be outdone by Black America. That's my name around here. LOL.

I don't remember too many dreams from last night. Except that I'm supposed to know someone named Tammy Smith. In my dream, my kept insisting that I know Tammy. But I'm quite sure I don't.

So, I'm back. Had to do some tweaking to the system.

The hardest part of keeping up a blog is deciding on the best font to use. I don't like to use the regular old boring types, but you have to use something that's easy to read.

I found out that we're having some Youth Day activities on the 13^th. That is the day of my site visit. So, it will either work for me or not. If Achisomo gets here early, he can see me teach about 1, maybe 2 classes. But I know that past first break, it will all be over. So, it could work in my favor. My headmaster was hoping that Dora was coming. Alas, he is disappointed. More disappointment to come mister!!!

I don't have any lesson plans in the format they want us to use, but my schemes are done.

I think I'm going to start a computer club for last term. Just to give a few of the students a chance to familiarize with the ins and outs of the 20^th century (yes, I know we are in the 21^st century, but that's how far behind we are here.)

Maybe I will just open that up to the Youth Club. That way, I can say "If you didn't wanna be in the Youth Club before, go away." Will whittle down the participation (what I really mean is crowd control.)

I can’t sleep at night; I toss and turn; listening for the telephone

2009-05-09T04:09:00.005-05:00

May 7, 2009

Actually, I turn my phone off at night now because the Zain network is so sucky that if someone sends me a text message at 4PM, I might get it at 11:30PM thus waking me from my peaceful sleep.

Although I went to sleep very late last night – had to finish that last Sudoku puzzle – I was wide awake at 04:36 this morning. I guess it was a good thing because I'm on top of things. I've done charts for 2 of my classes today. I did my math quiz before I went to bed. So, that is done. I think today I will do an answer chart so that tomorrow I can just go into the stuff that I feel needs to be clarified or gone into a little deeper. We're starting circle geometry on Monday and will probably cover that for 2 weeks. Unless there is a week off for elections… Well, either way, it needs to be covered for 2 weeks, so I will just get behind.

I'm already behind with Form 2 and Form 1. I will catch up somewhere. I usually do with those classes.

I don't remember my crazy dreams from last night. I do remember Mr. Spock (from Star Trek) living in the dorms at Dedza, but outside of that, I don't remember too much else.

One of my friends was robbed… in her house… while she slept. They took her phone off the pillow next to her head. And another girl, from my group, was mugged while walking back to one of the houses. She was out after dark. DON'T DO THAT. I don't like to be too many places after dark in this country. In Lilongwe, maybe. But that's about it. I feel I know that area pretty well. And the paths to the house are pretty well populated. I hated being in Mzuzu after dark that one night. I was just waiting to be ravaged.

Today is my "easy" day at school. Well, one of them. Friday is actually my best day for lazy. I have one academic class and one period of PE. Today is good because I have a full period between all of my classes. I enjoy this. I can be lazy on Wednesday night and make up for it at school. But today, I'm up on the game!

*** *** *** ***

So, I gave a quiz in math today. 20-some odd students present. Not even half turned in the quiz. I gave an in-class exercise (quiz) in Form 2E. Over 40 students present. Not even half of them turned in the quiz. So what is a woman to do? I already explained – several times – that my end of term grade is dependent upon homework, quizzes, and terminal exam. They don't seem to get it. Because one kid saw his report card today and wanted to know why his grade was lower than his exam score. Well, fella, I thought I explained this…. I guess they are used to having ONE test for the entire term and that's their grade. Not over here, buddies.

The highlight of my day has been that I was able to start a fire without much effort. I do better with a big pot of water when I make a fire than on kerosene. And I want a big pot of water tonight. I should go get water, but I'm gonna put it off till tomorrow. I'm not dire. And I can go tomorrow during school since I only have one class. Maybe if my students see me, they'll come and help me… or not. LOL.

I hope I sleep a lot better tonight. I have to mark some papers, and I intend to get that done before the sun goes down. I'm pretty much ahead of the game for the time being. Well, I gotta scan these GLOW applications tomorrow and email those. I hope they scan clearly. I don't want to deal with putting stuff in the mail, BUT I will be in Lilongwe next week afterall. So, I could just as well take them. And I probably will.

May 6, 2009

2009-05-09T04:09:00.003-05:00

Well, looks like I will be getting a visitor next week. Right out of the blue, but I think I am in the mood for some company. I think I've only been here alone for about 2 months. So, I should really not be having a visitor so soon. I need to learn how to do this on my own. Plus I told the headmaster that the "gifts" were coming in July. So now, they are here now. And the pressure will be on to get some power going. Which I do already have a good idea of what we are going to do. So, on the bright side, it will be good because things can be in place to get this done in time to do our own term examinations. But on the other hand, they will probably want me to try to fund all that as well.

At what point do you say "I've done all I can do for you. You need to stand on your own two feet"? Well, I can see that the point is coming very soon.

I am still having crazy, crazy dreams. They are more and more entertaining every night. But they do make it hard to sleep. Yesterday, I woke up to discover that I left my door unlocked. I am sure that triggered the dreams from the night before. I am not sure what triggered last night's dreams – dreams of unlocked doors and double-checking because as soon as I came in from my shower, I locked the door last night and made sure it was locked…. Twice.

Today is our debate – Is Good to Abstinence & Not Indulge in Sexual Activity. The students practiced yesterday. I think they are going to do very well.

I should be showering, but my stove went out so, I hope that it's going now or else I can just take a cold on. Hate that. Will have to skip breakfast. Could take it at 11, but the debate will not be over. I'll just have the bread at tea time.

Starting the "mole concept" in Physical Science 3. It makes so much more sense to me now than it did in college. I guess I should have read the book. But I am convinced that my brain is functioning better now than it did 13 years ago… lol. Seriously.

Also, I try to write at least 2 or 3 emails a day to different people. I want to kinda get away from the "mass email" of communications perspective. But it gets hard. But if I do a couple a day and send them out on Saturday, it gives me a chance to catch up more personally and I can get more emails when I do have a chance to check!! Ha ha.

Okay, I've wasted an hour with this "hot water" notion. I was out of kerosene. Geez, why is that always the last thing I think of?

*** *** *** ***

I think that when you know that your time is limited in a place, it makes it harder to be tolerant. Well, that is the case for me. I've already grown tired of the attitudes surrounding me. Instead of being thankful for the effort I've put forth thus far, I'm only being pressured to do more.

Yesterday, one of my students told me – voluntarily, I didn't ask – that my predecessor was a drunk. He said that she came to school drunk – or at least smelling of alcohol – a lot. I have not asked about her at all because I didn't want to hear how great she was. Or how bad, if that was the case. Figured I'd make my own mark.

So, next week will be the peak of it. I will give them all the stuff that I've had Chris begging for and then… I will call it a day. My commitment right now is through the school year, but each day it gets harder to get that far.

Today in Form 2E, no one would volunteer to do that problem on the board. Only NO students did the homework. Then they wonder why they aren't passing the certification exams… For real?

Then NONE of the teachers were fully present for the NASO debate today. Just left me to keep the entire student body in line. Hello, none of the students respect me or my "supposed" authority. So, it was pretty much a catastrophe. I'm taking off next Friday. I only have one class on Fridays anyway. I'm getting out of town for the weekend. Will be back on Monday or Tuesday. But I'm NOT going to assembly.

Crazy Dreams – May 5, 2009

2009-05-09T04:09:00.001-05:00

Hey, it's Cinco de Mayo… Not that it matters here. But when I get home, I think it might be cause for some margaritas.

Last night, I had about 5 or 6 dreams going on all at once. And to be honest, I did not enjoy it. I kept trying to wake myself up. I know that they are all from some movies that I have recently watched. One was for sure. I watched Hors de Prix (that's French for "Priceless" or at least that is what the subtitle said)

I don't like having a lot of dreams. Mainly because I wake up tired.

I had a dream about my grandma. She gave me 3 chocolate chip cookies. And I dreamt about my mom and sisters. We were riding in the car together. Funny because yesterday I was thinking about all the things I miss about being in the States. And at the top of my list was "just riding". We used to do that a lot when we were kids. We would just get in the car – gas money permitting – and drive around the county. It's a pretty small county, but you can always see something new. I remember one time my sister thought we were lost and started crying.

Well, I gotta get going. Had to do some work on my stove before I could heat my water, and now I'm behind schedule. But it's ok. I'll still be the first teacher to school.

********

For some reason, I'm just not in the mood today. I can't possibly be burnt out already. But when I'm trying to teach, and they won't stop talking, I just want to throw chalk at them and tell them to go learn this crap on their own.

I decided to go to classes on my own today. Whether or not the bell rang, I showed up (so far) to my classes at the appointed time. I don't really care if someone is there or not. We have a schedule for a reason, right?

I came home to work on my two classes, but I'm making breakfast and playing with my MP3 player instead. Have figured that it's best to do what I need to do on the computer while the sun is shining. I guess the battery can charge while I'm using it. So, that works for me. Less time in the staff room. I always seem to borrow someone something when I'm there.

Well, I gotta mark a paper and really be ready.

********

I'm only having French-fried potatoes tonight. I don't feel like fooling with beans.

Finally got my MP3 player to do what I wanted it to do. So, I can go ahead and chill for the rest of the evening. Though I should take advantage of the daylight and get some work done. Maybe I just will.

The Generosity of People…

2009-05-04T04:26:00.001-05:00

Can sometimes be overwhelming. It's not so much that I doubt the goodness of people; I just haven't seen it manifested so much these days… LOL.

Well, just this past weekend, someone who does not even know me, anonymously donated two brand new laptop computers to my school. I just about cried. That is just not something I was ever expecting to happen. But it is a huge relief. Because now I can use all the money that Chris has raised to put towards a solar system. And if ESCOM were to, by some miracle, come through before October; I could put all that money towards lab equipment. But let's not be greedy. Not yet anyway.

So, to the anonymous donor, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! May God continue to bless you so that you may continue to be a blessing to others." You have made a huge impact in many lives. Those computers will not only benefit the staff and students at my school, but also members of the surrounding community.

It's nice to be able to believe in people again.

Back to the Grind – April 29, 2009

2009-05-01T06:44:00.001-05:00

I can’t shake the feeling that today is somebody’s birthday. I’m pretty sure a bunch of someones were born today, but I feel like someone close to me was born today. Oh, well. I hope I am forgiven for forgetting.

Well, school is back on. Not in full swing though. Even though rainy season is long gone, we still can’t manage to get here on time to start classes. It’s really quite frustrating because I like to start on time and have the full 40 minutes for all my classes. I’m already behind and we just got started.

Not a lot of excitement. I got back here and nothing creepy was living in my house. There was a dead frog in the water bucket outside. I finally laid him to rest. Life is progressing like normal… whatever normal is.

Friday is a holiday. And we get an entire week off for elections. This term is shot!!
I did do tutoring for the Form 3s and 4s in math. I guess I can offer them the same service during election week. We aren’t allowed to travel. And where would I go anyway?

But now I hear that the elections might be rescheduled. Who does that? How does that happen?? Oh well. Better not to wonder how or why with these things.

I did my grades yesterday and today. That was a nightmare. These kids have so many names that they use a different one for every assignment and they rarely math what is on their report sheets. It’s very cryptic. I have a listing, but all of my students didn’t have a report. And there were reports for students that I don’t have listed. We’ll see how that all turns out. Hmmm.

In hindsight – or foresight even – my life is pretty boring right now.

My Crib

2009-04-15T12:14:00.001-05:00

Officially, all the papers done, money transferred, can't take it back, MINE!! And even though I haven't actually been inside it. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!!!

First-time Homeowner

2009-04-01T09:47:00.000-05:00

So, by the end of the week, I should be an official homeowner (pending inspector a-ok). Now is the time to buy. And we have bought. In Arizona. I have not actually seen the residence, but from the sounds of it, I am in love.

Two-car garage. Four bedrooms. Three full baths. Huge kitchen with island; double sinks and dishwasher in the island. Sitting/Living room. Den with built in entertainment unit. And the previous owners had wired for surround sound.

We got the joint for a steal. We will have the carpets cleaned and repaint some of the rooms to fit our tastes, but other than that, it’s pretty much ready to move into. Well, no fridge or stove, but we’ve already got those picked out.

The backyard is huge. We’re going to plant some citrus trees and a banana tree. I want to grow grapes, but we’ll see how that works out.

I’m pretty sure this is the place where I will raise my babies. It’s in a good neighborhood. And I hate moving. I’m glad that the next time I move will, most likely, be the last time.

I'd Rather Have Rush Hour

2009-03-09T05:06:00.001-05:00

So, on last week I came to Lilongwe to bring Chris back to the airport. We came to town on Tuesday. We missed the first bus by only a few minutes. It decided to be on time for once in it's history. It was a holiday and the minibus drivers tried to convince us that the bus would not run. But the bus ALWAYS runs, so we waited. 2.5 hours later, the bus came. We rode to Salima. Got a free ride into Lilongwe (we never get a free ride) and had a great day.

On Thursday, we rented a car and drove back to Nkhotakota to pick up luggage. Lovely day for a drive. Very uneventful. On Friday, I dropped Chris at the airport and returned to the Peace Corps house to have dinner with my fellow volunteers. Courtney and I would be returning to Nkhotakota on Saturday (better to travel on Saturday than Sunday - more traffic.)

So, we (Courtney and myself) set out early on Saturday to come to the office (free internet) before heading out. We got to the Salima turnoff and were only waiting a few minutes before we got picked up by a very nice British lady and her driver. Nice, comfortable ride to Salima. We got dropped off at the Ice Cream Den diner. We had chips and samosas - no ice cream because power is cut EVERY Saturday in Salima for some crazy reason that I won't go into now.

After the disappointment of "no ice cream" we got a ride back to the junction for our road. We sat there for quite a while talking to a couple of law enforcement people before one of them decided to tell us that one of the bridges (there are about 10 - or more - from this point to where I live) has been washed out. The road is closed. Completely impassible from that direction. He advised us to go up to Mzuzu (no short trip - check a map) and go DOWN the M5 to our sites. So, being the troopers that we are, that is what we decided to do.

Once back in Lilongwe, we hitched up to Mzuzu. No small feat. We got FIVE different hitches up the M1 to get there. We were VERY hungry and exhausted when we got to the Peace Corps house there. Only to be greeted by NO electricity and NO beds available. One of the girls from our group, gave us her bed. The power did eventually come back. We took showers (no towels, woo hoo) and we watched "The Illusionist" (pretty good film) before deciding to call it a night. With only 1 blanket, CoCo and I decided to huddle up together in the one free bed. It was a quick, noisy night.

We got up early to catch the first bus to our sites. When we got to the bus depot, we were told that the road was also closed from the north due to the lake touching the highway in some areas. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK. BUT we could see a minibus or private transport. Well, minibuses are crazy expensive. So, we hitched up to Nkhata Bay and tried to get a ride home. Nothing doing. So, we decided that if we could get back to Lilongwe, that would be our best bed. So, we waited some more.

We ended up paying about 300 kwatcha to get back to Mzuzu. We were determined NOT to stay there another night. When we did get back to Mzuzu, we ran into the man who gave us our ride into Mzuzu. He works in Lilongwe and was heading back here for work today. What luck!!! He said we could ride with him. He wasn't leaving for 2-3 hours, but a free ride leaving later was better than no ride leaving now. So, we went for lunch and just relaxed while we waited.

The ride back was awesome. Mainly because it was stress-free. We got back to Lilongwe around 7PM. We went for some food. And after showering we settled in to watch "Definitely, Maybe", but we didn't make it all the way through.

Now, we are in Lilongwe. Tomorrow, we will head out through the Kasungu route. It is usually highly discouraged because it goes through the Nkhotakota Wildlife Reserve and there are supposedly tsetse flies in there (African Sleeping Sicking is fatal). But at least I will be home. Home after not being there a week will be weird. And being there all by myself.

So, that has been my adventure for the week. Be grateful that ONE night of rain doesn't wash away bridges in America!!

Almost through the first term

2009-03-06T23:42:00.002-06:00

Well, it's been an adventurous few months (I guess.) School is definitely different here. If it rains, no one comes. Since everyone walks to school - even the teachers - or bikes. I live at the school, so it is usually just me and a few students until the rain stops.

Up until yesterday, I was here with Chris. But he went *home*. Now, I get to go back to the house that I have only spent one week in on my own and start this journey the way I suppose I should have in the first place. I'm not ready. I don't want to.

It was great to have someone to settle in with. Not everyone has that. I am adequately prepared to do this - thanks in large part to Chris. I don't have to leave the house, except to get water, for the next month if I don't want to. But I will. I can't become a hermit.

On other fronts, I tried teaching the kids softball. I thought it would be fun. But they aren't that interested. And I am no longer interested in fighting them on it. I'd rather spend the time fighting them on math or physical science.

I have a lot of good students and a few great students. I love being a teacher.

Transportation - that other bane of volunteer existence - is a nightmare. Another reason why I don't want to leave my house. The bus schedule is nonexistent. It is *near* impossible for me to hitchhike. And there really isn't anything I want to do badly enough that it can't wait till term break.

I guess that sums it up for the time being. Maybe I'll get better at this now I will have a few more minutes in the day. But I'm not going to count on that.

Back to School

2009-01-21T08:33:00.001-06:00

So, school has started here. The first week was hit or miss. More than half the students didn't show. Form 1s didn't come because they had not received their school placement. Form 2s didn't completely show because some of them didn't know if they would be repeating. Form 3s didn't show because they didn't know if they passed the Form 2 test to move to Form 3. And the most of the Form 4s didn't show because… well, who knows?

Physical Science has been an interesting topic so far. I remember a lot of the stuff I am teaching from college. I wish I'd understood it better back then; but I guess my brain just wasn't ready for this stuff back then. Math is going ok. It's frustrating to teach something and have them forget it the next day or get confused if you put a slight spin on it.

I have been going on the exams from the past few years. Seems the syllabus is NOT in line with what the students will be tested on. So, now whenever something comes up, I see how often it's mentioned in the JCE or MSCE and that determines how much emphasis I intend to put on it.

Next week, I was going into Lilongwe to look for lab supplies. However, I ran into one of my site mates today, and she says that her school has a fully stocked lab that is not being utilized. So, this weekend, I will venture up to her site and see what I can grab. The sooner I get these kids some hands on, the better off they will be. Wonder why my predecessor never took her up on that. Oh well, who knows? Who cares?

Having Mondays off has not really worked out well for me. I still have to go the assembly, and there is always something to do afterwards. I am taking off next Friday because I need to go and find supplies for PT. I am teaching softball!!! That should be interesting; but it's better than trying to teach "net ball". Since I have no clue what that is. They need some American culture anyways.

Nothing else is happening. The rainy season kicked in this week. That was good. It's cooler at night. That is always good. Looking forward to getting more settled and organized. All in good time!!

Oh, I got an email from Amanda. She told me that she met Barack Obama!! How exciting!! Shook his hand and everything!! It's surreal (to me) that we have a new president – and he's Black – being so outside of it over here. I really wish I was back home for this. But we've got 8 years to enjoy it!! Right?!?

Friday, January 9, 2009

2009-01-09T08:40:00.001-06:00

So, school has finally started!! It's great and weird. Not like in America where you can pass out a book and start class RIGHT NOW. No, first off, only the form 2s and 4s showed up. The form 3s didn't come because they didn't have the results of the junior exam (Did they pass? Did they fail?) And the form 1s didn't show because the school assignment was not out.

There is talk that this school calendar will be abbreviated. They want to have school go from October to June/July instead of January to November. Something to do with the temperature when the students are writing exams. I don't know how it will work out in the end. But it might be nice to have a short year. But it will really hurt the students. As it is, they have a hard time covering the entire syllabus.

I've gotten copies of old exams so that I can make sure I'm teaching the kids what they need. I don't think we really do at this school. Not from what I have seen. Maybe I'll be able to rectify that a little. I hope so. I also hope that I will be able to get some lab supplies so that the kids can get the hands on experience they need to really grasp this stuff.

I have poured myself into Physics and Chemistry. I'm excited. I wish I had understood it this well when I was at Ole Miss. I guess my brain just wasn't ready for it then. I am looking forward to teaching Physical Science. It looks like an interesting subject. In fact, I think I will test to get certified in either physics, chemistry or physical science when I get back to the States. Can't hurt to be over qualified, right?

As well, I have decided that I will go ahead and pursue the Ph.D. I want one in psychology. I want to be a family counselor. I think it would suit me. And be interesting, as well. So, when I do get back, I plan to meet with some colleges wherever I live (looking like Arizona) and see about a program. I'm pretty excited about it.

Not a lot of other stuff going on. I have rats at the house. As well as killer ants. Great!!! But I am the queen of pesticide, so I do not worry.

Going to visit friends this weekend and will be writing lesson plans on Sunday and Monday. I have Mondays off. I have to go to assembly then I am free. I'm in a pretty good groove here. And I like it. The library has a lot of books that I have not read, so if I do get bored with math and science, I can relax.

Happy New Year

2009-01-02T09:06:00.002-06:00

Another year down! Wow. Don't they go fast when you get to be my age?? LOL.

The holidays were different this year (surprise surprise). The phones were down, so no calls from home. We did have lights and a small tree, but it just wasn't festive at all.

All is well in this neck of the woods. I have nothing to complain about. I finally mastered the art of making fire. You have to keep feeding it, for sure. Who knew?? LOL.

You'd think I'd have more to say, but right now I'm drawing a blank.

Happy New Year!!!!

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 – I Swear

2008-12-19T08:29:00.001-06:00

So, here we finally are – sworn in! Time has been neither long nor hard. For me, everything is relative to bootcamp and being deployed. Therefore (or choncho) this was a walk in the proverbial park.

So, speaking of parks, the one by my house is off limits because it has tsetse flies. Just my luck being next to elephant/giraffe/monkey habitat and having it be off limits to me.

I have slacked on keeping track of things. I did WRITE in my journal. It was difficult. Maybe I will recount some of that stuff (at a later date). There is so much stuff that I can't even write about for the public eye.

I will put up pictures of my house at some point – maybe today?? I have them on my memory stick.

I know that I will be scared out of my mind sleeping in that house by myself on the first night – no neighbors really. The night watchman is my neighbor. A good neighbor to have. I am very pleased with the solitude.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008 – School

2008-12-19T08:27:00.001-06:00

I don't know whether or not I suck at this or not. I thought I was a good teacher. I have never dealt with 80+ students at once. So, I don't know what the deal is. Am I doing well? Am I doing crappy? Would they really tell me? I don't know.

Things will be different when I start my own classes and when I figure out the norms for these schools. I thought the teacher would think I had no control of the class, but he told me that the students were discussing the work. So I should not worry about that. I don't know. We'll see. I don't want to come and change the world. But I would like to feel like I'm making a difference.

Sunday, October 12, 2008 – More Milestones

2008-12-19T08:25:00.001-06:00

Nothing extraordinarily new on the home front.

Yesterday (Saturday) I went and got water for the first time. Boy is that hard work! I thought my entire body would fall apart. I think it's harder for shorter people because our arms are shorter. But also, I have NO experience carrying water on my head.

I did laundry yesterday – bleeding hands. Oh yeah. And I'm doing it right. I just have to toughen up my hands. Great!!

We teach for the kids on Monday. Yesterday was our practice run – on each other. For most in my group (8 total), it was the first time teaching. EVER.

We will see how it goes.

October 9, 2009 - Milestones

2008-12-19T08:23:00.001-06:00

Ah, the things you go through as a PCT.

On Tuesday, I woke up. I put on my wrap to go to the bathroom (bafa) to brush my teeth. I feel something on my arm. It's the biggest spider I have ever seen. I screamed and swatted. Lesson learned: shake everything before putting it on. After surviving that monster, I could do anything.

I decided to brave the chim. So, I go out, open the "door" and am greeted by a lizard (again!!) I decide to let him have the chim while I went to wash up.

After a warm water wash off, I went and semi-successfully hit the hole. It's NOT a large hole. I'll have to take a picture.

Later that night (school is so uneventful), I went to shower to find toad and frog (they love it in there.) I decided that frogs can't do that much harm, so I went about my business.

I didn't feel good, but I let it go. I had dinner and was informed that my abambo (host father) would be home so I needed to hang out. Ok. But I was tired. I didn't want to make waves, so I waited. And waited. And waited. Then I told them that I needed to lie down for a while.

As soon as I was down, he was in. I was up. no matter. I did some chatting and greeting and headed back to bed.

I felt crappy at midnight when I got my call. Yes, I spent all my allowance ($1.50/day) on phone and postage stamps. I have my priorities.

On Wednesday, I had a sore throat and a low fever. I wasn't sure about the fever, but my body was boiling, but I was feeling cold if that makes sense.

At lunch, I just wanted to lie down. I tried to convey that to my amayi (host mom), but no avail. I took my tem and it was at about 100 degrees. My "normal for me" temperature is 97.6 – 97.8, so, in effect, I had a 101 degree fever. Not serious, but a fever nonetheless.

I took ibuprofen and my amayi got my trainer. Sorry, Agatha. My 2 hour lunch nap turned out to be 30 minutes of actual rest. Should have just choked down the food and gotten an hour nap!

My fever broke and I sweated my butt off. I hate when I sweat so much I feel funky. You could cut through the funk.

Today (Thursday) when I saw the doctor, he told me I have strep – not contagious though. Really? Did I not catch it from one of these sick babies I associate with?

Now, I am on TWO antibiotics for the next WEEK. My system will be in chaos. I can feel a yeast infection brewing now!

So, in thought…. I think I'm too reclusive for this job. I may seem like a people person, but I'm really not. All day, I kept thinking, "how nice will it be to get done with training and get some bona fide SOLITUDE!!" Terrible, I know.

I feel like a jerk not totally immersing with my family. On Sunday though, I will do that. I will help cook and get water. I hate feeling like a privileged visitor – it sucks.

Will I survive? Stay tuned.

October 6, 2008 – Kissing frogs and reptiles

2008-12-19T08:21:00.001-06:00

First off, last night was my best night of sleep in a VERY long time. Especially since arriving in Malawi.

I went to bed early and fell asleep to the serenade of the kids' band singing and playing drums.

I got a phone call at midnight (scheduled) and almost missed it. Yes, I as sleeping that well.

I got up to pee and take a quick shower. I shower at night, so how dirty can I get from sleeping?

I thought I'd try the chim since I peed in a bottle last night, but I was greeted by a lizard and decided that perhaps peeing in a bottle for 2 years wasn't such a bad idea! The lizards hang out in the chim waiting for the fat flies that eat the poop. But seeing that fat lizard was enough to send a night of pee right back up the shoot. I did decided, after my shower, to go for it. I've got to work on my aim.

Breakfast was toast – minus the heat – and some warm milk concoction that was yumm-o!

School. Let me be honest. I hate school – as a student. I just can't stand it. I have zero attention span. Seriously.

After lessons and this and that, we came home. I decided to do laundry. I was stockpiling funky clothes. So many dirty socks! White socks. What was I thinking? Wasn't obviously. But now they are super white. How could they not be after finger-bleeding hand-washing??

A couple of my fingers are now raw. Ouch. I'll get back to it tomorrow. These folks are gonna hate my laundry days. I use so much water.

After a trip to the bore hole (water), it was time to shower. I've GOTTA get in there by 17:30 to beat the dark. I'm a wimp.

So, by the time I get in there and turn the water on, I see movement. I stayed calm rather than run out buck-naked and shame my family. I had company. Frogs. Yes, frogS. Two of them. Since I was naked – therefore invested – there was nothing I could do but finish my shower.

One frog hopped away. I kept my eye on the other one.

There is language to study, but I think I'll read some verses instead. After I pee in my bottle.

October 5, 2008 – My first “oh crap!” moment

2008-12-19T08:20:00.001-06:00

Today was it. I'm not gonna lie; I've been filled with both excitement and read. I want to get this show on the road, but what was to be at the village?

There were so many delays. We finally got here: Linthipe Village. We had a greeting ceremony. I nearly killed my family with all my stuff.

I got settled. Washed my dress which is now a skirt – that I will wear EVERY school day while I am here. Yes, I'm not giving up my pants… just masking them a little.

My family is nice. The father works long hours. There is a niece who is fluent in English. I've learned "banja lanu lili bwanji?" from her tutoring. That's "how is your family?" in Chichewa. She is a very smart girl. I hope I can learn a lot from her.

Yesterday, I got a SIM card for my phone. Don't know the number, but if I did anyone could call me for free TO ME. You'd have to pay though.

Sitting in my tiny, one room, mud structure, I can't help but think "who in their right mind…?" Yet here I am. It's 20:30; the sun went to sleep a long time ago. Children outside put on a concert: singing and drums. They sound wonderful. And happy. Amazing. How they can live this way and still sing.

The village has a market a school and electricity. No electricity in my family's home, but I can charge my pc and cell phone somewhere.

Pretty soon my interaction with other Americans will be minimal, if at all. Wow! That's kinda scary.

I took a shower using my solar shower. Not enough room to stand and shower, but I squatted and got myself fresh and clean. The reviews were right – you can get 2 or 3 showers out of one full bag. I wasn't full, but I still have plenty of water left.

I am pretty sure I want a site close to Lilongwe. Electricity. Internet. I won't lie. I want this experience, but I am spoiled. Mainly though I want to e close to the airport. I'm glad I brought my crank lamp. Batteries for this puppy would break me.

October 3rd, 2008 – for just $2.00 a day you can sponsor a PCT in Malawi

2008-12-19T08:19:00.001-06:00

So, we finally get some money tomorrow. Unfortunately, I hear it's only equivalent to $2.00 a day for the time we've been here. I find it hard to believe that things are *that* cheap that we can go shopping off of $8. I think it's more, but since I don't really know, I'll wait it out.

Today was more language training – I'm really tearing it up. NOT. Or should I say "si". We were split into our official language training groups this evening. So when we go to homestay, we will be learning with the same folks for the next 6 weeks. Cool.

We also got more shots. I got … I don't remember what I got. But I only have 2 more to go (for rabies) unless I *have* to take the flu shot. The last time I took it, I had a bad reaction. Not the flu, but my allergies did a number on me with the congestion and whatnot. But if we have to take it, I will.

We got the "other conditions" presentation from medical today. I swear, some of this stuff you just have to be plain nasty and/or careless to get. Seriously. Now watch, I'll get ringworm! Ha! I did put my hand sanitizer in my bag this evening. Lol. Just to be safe.

We have not yet seen the presentation on how to take a bucket bath, but I'm not worried about it. I will get to try out that solar shower contraption.

Took a walk down a path today. We got out late so it got dark on us coming back. I can't wait to get my bike. I'm ready to really explore!

For all the excitement, it's pretty boring when I talk about it.

October 2nd, 2008 – I’ve got mail!

2008-12-19T08:15:00.001-06:00

So, today was shot day. I did manage to get away with a few shots thanks to the military, but not all of them. Many vaccinations expire. I did not know that. I guess I did. I was just hoping against hope. I got my first ever rabies shot today. I feel so ready for Cujo now. Okay, not really.

I got my card in the mail today. The one I mailed to myself back on September 3^rd. I hope it's not the only mail I get for a while. But you never know around this type of place… ha ha. I try to get a letter in the drop box daily, but mail doesn't leave this compound but once or twice a week, I think. So, if you have been expecting a daily letter from me, they will all arrive at the same time.

Tomorrow, I have my interview with Dora. She will decide where we live for homestay, and where we will do our jobs. Homestay is where we go live in a village with a family to help us with culture and language. We were led to believe that it was the entire 10 weeks of training, but it is not. It's only 6 weeks. We come back here to the college a week or so before going to our official sites.

I am ready to know what is up. I know where I want to go and why. But I don't know how much input I have in the matter. Just depends, I guess.

Nothing else exciting happened today. I am struggling with this language. I've had about 3-4 hours of supervised training and [not enough] studying on my own. I feel like I should be getting it by now, but it's really only been 2 days. I don't know. I think it will go better when I am living with my family.

We have to have 2 new words every day when we go in. My words for tomorrow are "kulekana" – to be separated – and "khalani" – please sit. Both rather appropriate, I think.

I haven't started a countdown clock yet. Ha ha. I think it's a little too early in the game for that. But I do know when my assignment is "supposed" to be over – December 9, 2010.

October 1st, 2008 – Cramming it all in

2008-12-19T08:13:00.001-06:00

Today, we had potatoes and eggs for breakfast. Wow, just like IHOP.

I got up this morning around 5:30AM so that I could get a shower. I got the shower with NO hot water. Better luck tomorrow, right?

We played a game similar to musical chairs in training then another where you have to say your name and another person's name while doing some hand choreography. Might use that later in life.

My biggest fear right now is learning the language. We have to be at the high end of intermediate (it goes novice, intermediate, advanced, superior – or something like that). But we only have to be at the top of intermediate. I'll have to check the pyramid again for the correct levels.

I'm scared out of my mind. I came back after lunch to listen to the podcasts they sent us before we got here. I wish I'd put more into it before hand, but at the same time, what can you do? Just your best. It seems like a fairly easy language, but at the same time, my memory is no good. The only way for me to learn it is by speaking it all the time.

I've met a lot of nice Malawian women. And men, as well. The people here really are the nicest in all of Africa. It's quite amazing how friendly they are. Not that they shouldn't be, but you know human nature.

******

After the first language lesson, I don't know what I'm feeling. It's a lot to digest. And I am sure that I will. I just have to concentrate on not being nervous. Our homework assignment was to "talk" to 10 people in Chichewa – not all trainees! I made an active effort!! I hope that I retain a little bit of it for tomorrow's class. I should really get to studying.

Here is one issue I have with the language – you can say a complete English sentence with one word in Chichewa. Yes!!! The way it works out, you are putting subject, "tense marker" and verb together to form one word. Seems easy enough, right? We shall see.

I have figured out a few things. Like what makes a verb an infinitive (ku = to) and how you have to drop that when you do certain things to the word/verb. We'll just see how that all works out tomorrow… and the next day and the next.

We went on a walk and most of the people played along, but I am sure they know that we are crazy Americans just trying to use them as guinea pigs.

******

I did laundry today. It's hanging on my mosquito net above my bed right now. "Laundry" involved me and a big bar of soap in the sink around the corner. Yes, there are no washing machines in Malawi. Everything is washed by hand. So, does this mean that my clothes will actually last longer? I don't know. I am not looking forward to this on a weekly basis, however, it is nice to not have to stand in line waiting for a machine. A lot of the folks here are inconsiderate, ya know.

I won an award, OMG!!

2008-12-10T06:03:00.002-06:00

Someone likes me!! I won an award! LOL. And as soon as I get an internet connection that moves faster than snails, I will upload the graphic.

See *my* award here: http://howtogettheguy.blogspot.com/

Thanks, ladies. It's greatly appreciated. Especially since I've been in exile for the last 10 weeks!

Strange bedfellows and my life in Malawi

2008-12-10T05:05:00.014-06:00

A glimpse of how I will be living beginning tomorrow!

This fella was hanging out IN my bed with me. We didn't get along too well. Sorry!

This fellas was in my room, but not in my bed. He got suffocated by some pesticide I had put down and also tangled in plastic. He had to die. It was inevitable. Even though I found him dead, it still freaked me out because he was very close to my luggage.

This is my bathroom which is very nice compared to most. And it's close to the house. So, if I need to pee in the middle of the night, I "could" go there, but it's not gonna happen. I'd rather burst my bladder than go outside at night.

This is my bedroom closet. I REALLY have a nice closet compared to everyone. Built-in shelves. A rack for my clothes. Most people have shelves built and hang a rope for hanging clothes. I guess I got lucky (for once... well, this would be twice, but anyways...)

This is my kitchen (and the woman I am replacing). Unless you live IN the city, your kitchen is not inside - or even attached - to your home. My kitchen is attached to my bathroom. So, if I am cooking (open fire, lots of smoke), it would be near impossible to take a shower due to the smoke. I've had that happen to me at someone else's house.

Lake Malawi! While I don't have the lakefront property that one of my friends does (and I am deathly afraid of water and would not want it), I am close enough to Lake Malawi to enjoy the *view* if I so chose. I might, who knows. This was taken at Sungu Resort. It's a bar really. Fishing is "big business" in this area, so I am not allowed to fish in this area of the lake.

This was my homestay (training) family. They were great. I loved being with them, however, I got attached - probably not the plan. But it happens, ya know. So, I will be going to visit them in a week. Unfortunately, we live on opposite sides of the country - they, on the west side; and me, on the east.

Transportation is available here, but severely painful. I rode a bus that allowed 15 standing passengers, but there were at least 30. It was not the type of bus that one rides standing; especially when the journey is 4+ hours long.

Hitchhiking is the thing for volunteers. I've hitched 3 times. Only the first time was ok. Got a ride in a BMW!! With A/C!!!

All in all, I'm very excited about being here for 2 more years. I'm looking forward to everything. And I can't wait to get started!

Greetings from South Africa

2008-09-29T16:51:00.001-05:00

After a hellacious flight from Memphis to Philadelphia; showing up late to orientation; and a rather pleasant experience at JFK (who would have thought), I am finally in Johannesburg, South Africa – but only for one night. And we aren't allowed to go outside the hotel.

It's just as well. I should be sleeping anyway. It's almost midnight and I plan to wake up at 6AM. I'm not jet-lagged at all. I set my watch to South Africa time and slept during the "night" on the plane and tried to stay awake during the "day time hours." Seems to have worked.

We have been told that we will be incommunicado for the next 10 weeks. Maybe longer. But definitely during training.

Along the way, I've realized that I stressed out way too much about packing. I should have only brought underwear. LOL. It's not like we're going to Antarctica.

So far, so good. More to follow in a few weeks.

Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number

2008-09-10T18:27:00.001-05:00

For as long as I can remember, I've always been fascinated with older people. Until I went to college (I was 22 at the time) all of my friends were women in their 30s. And the only guy I had ever dated younger than me was only so by 6 months. Now, the majority of my best friends are younger than my baby sister, and older men are no longer appealing.

For some reason though, I always had this idea that older men made better partners and providers. I guess that I always assumed that older men were settled and had their heads on straight. I used to be a huge fan of the "responsible single dad". Now that I am older, I guess everything has shifted a little bit.

I would expect a guy to "have his shit together" by the time he's 27 or 28; and be ready to settle down by the time he's 30. Well, those ages are younger than I am now. And I ask myself, "Would you date/marry a younger man?"

I suppose I would. I met Chris about 2 years ago. We both lived in Florida back then. He told me he was 23. I told him he was too young for me. At that time, I was 2 years younger than I am now (how old am I now?) A couple of moves later for the both of us, we got back into contact. I'm not sure how fuzzy Chris HOPED my memory would be because he remembered that 2 years ago; he was too young for me. So, this time around, he told me that he is 27. I thought, "Sounds 'not quite right' considering he was only 23 a couple of years ago." But I also assumed that I was remembering the wrong guy. He sent me an IM, it's not like we were face-to-face, and I could verify that I was talking to the same person. And 27 wasn't really "too young" to me at this point.

Short story longer, Chris was only 21 when we first met. And he's only 23 now. He lied hoping to have a chance. Although I was all "no way, no how" when he confessed his true age, I'm not the same 30-something gal who thinks older guys have it going on. I'm pressing towards my mid-30s, and I have my future children to think about. Children from old eggs fertilized by old sperm just aren't being given a good shot in the genetic lottery. And besides, everybody's doing it (Demi, Madonna, etc).

Basically, this *relationship* comes at the worst possible time in my life. I am moving in like 15 days. But there is nothing I have been able to say to deter this man. So, I've decided to go with the flow. Besides, he has his shit together, professionally and personally. A great job with great benefits and NO baby-mama-drama! If I did have an issue, it would be the fact that he's an only child. And his mother is … something else is all I can say for now. Wouldn't want this to come back and bite me in the butt, now would I? Especially since she finally "approves" of me.

Chris and I are already planning his first trip to Malawi (April when school is on break) and pretty much everything that comes after all that. A couple of years ago I would have felt stupid moving at this pace with someone this much younger than I, but now I'm like, "Whatever. Life is so fluid. You have to just go with it… or drown from doing nothing." You only live once. May as well make the most of it.

Oh, he lied to his parents about my age. And I lied to my family about his ethnicity. It will all come out in the wash though 2 or 3 years from now. But if we make it that far, neither fact will be an issue.

Letters to Myself

2008-09-05T22:43:00.001-05:00

I am down to 19 days (give or take a day) left in the States.

I will head to Philadelphia on September 26^th for orientation. Then, on September 28^th, we fly to Africa. SEVENTEEN hours on a plane – and that will only get me to Johannesburg. I don't remember being on a plane that long flying to/from Bahrain. But I must have. I know that we flew from Bahrain to Amsterdam then from Amsterdam to Memphis. Lot of in-flight movies.

I have an in-flight movie estimation of 1 movie for every 3 hours you're on the plane. Chris says that they have a movie database now, and you get to pick your own movies. We shall see.

So, on Wednesday, I made a card and wrote some words of inspiration to myself. After reading the handbook and the "cultural adjustment" handbook, I think I will have moments of freaking out. Mainly over learning the language. So far, I know 3 words. Hello, thank you, and children. I have a lot to learn.

I only mailed my card today because I had to find out how much it was. The USPS website was acting funny, so I wasn't sure. And even if I was sure, I didn't have 94c – or any combination thereof – in stamps on me. So, it's 94c to mail a letter to me. However, I'm not gonna hold my breath on any letters since everyone will think they can just email me. I'll just write myself more letters before I go. Then I can tell everyone how long letters take.

I've been really good at getting myself ready to go. I've been making "to do" lists, and it's helped immensely. I have all of my banking and vehicle issues squared away. Wasn't that difficult once I dedicated myself to it.

My closet is cleaned out. One of my suitcases is open and has stuff in it. I've shopped for miscellaneous knick knacks. I don't want to get down to the last week and freak out.

The week before I go, I'm turning off my phone for the entire week. I just don't want to be bothered – at all.

I have to be up super early tomorrow. I'm driving to St Louis. I should be asleep already. But… I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Malawi

2008-08-11T23:22:00.001-05:00

Finally!!!! I'm going to Malawi!!! I'm leaving in about 6 weeks – instead of November. I will be a secondary educator teaching math, science, and English. English is the official language of Malawi; Chichewa is the national language – and I will have to learn it.

I'm very excited and slightly overwhelmed. I feel like I have a million things to do, but I really don't.

I read the welcome manual and found out that women wearing pants is frowned upon. So much for the TEN pairs of new slacks and khakis I just bought for this assignment. Oh well. I'm still taking them anyway.

I have a lot of stuff yet to buy – and a lot of stuff from my deployment bags that will be useful. I will have to mail a lot of stuff to myself before I leave. Otherwise, there is just no way to get it there.

So, I guess today is the beginning of the rest of my life. For now, anyway.

Losing that Loving Feeling…. For Tv

2008-08-10T02:07:00.001-05:00

I don't think I'm going to miss Tv. I'll be gone before most of my favorites start back up – Pushing Daisies, Medium.

As I was flipping from Psych (that's I've seen THREE times in TWO days) to Medium (this episode I've already seen TWICE, as well) I realized how I lose that loving feeling for a show. And I'm sure it's the same for most people.

I was a Law & Order: SVU fanatic at one time. Chris Meloni (Det Stabler, as if I had to say who) was just so good to look at, and there were almost always good plotlines. However, when shows are run in that semi-marathon format as both TNT and USA are fond of doing, you find yourself saying "Why is it that every time I flip on SVU, it's ALWAYS the same 2 or 3 episodes?" So, I find a temporary alternative. Eventually though, the temp becomes permanent, and I am no longer in love with a show.

So many have fallen by the wayside. Right now, I'm not too worried about it. I'm just hoping that I can go cold turkey as far as Tv is concerned. Although, in the last month or so I have become a Cold Case addict. I'm staying up to the crack of dawn to catch this show. Sad, considering I don't think blonde chick can act her way out of a paper bag.

Pretty soon though, Tv will be the very least of my concerns. So, I'm going to go ahead and enjoy it while I have it.

Sweet November

2008-08-07T22:39:00.001-05:00

I'm almost out of here!! Since there had been some disconnect between me and the government, I just decided to email (because I call too much as it is) my placement officer and see what the deal is. And, I am out of here in November!!! Woo to the hoo!!!

By the time I get my official invitation, I'll have about 6 weeks to prepare to depart. It feels so good to finally have everything cleared up and to know when I am going – but not the "where". I think most of the people I know were beginning to think that I had made it all up… Ha ha ha.

And now, I don't have to feel bad about NOT looking for a job. There is no point in doing that with 3ish months to go.

I have so much to do now. And I will get started on Monday Tuesday; since I'm going out of town on Sunday.

And the one thing that I was trying so hard to prevent may have happened… I may have met someone. That kinda sucks. But he seems to be a nice guy, so we'll see what develops in the next 3 months. He already asked me to go to Panama with him next month. I do need a vacation, so I'll think about that.

The Pregnant Man Gave Birth

2008-07-05T01:28:00.001-05:00

Seriously? Seriously? There was a pregnant "man" out there? I am all for live and let live. Because, at the end of the day, I'm am solely responsible for MY soul. If there is some penalty for not being evangelical and trying to turn gay people back straight, then yes, I'm going to hell. Otherwise, I'm good to go. I've reserved my mansion, robe, and crown.

But really, is the entire world supposed to be shocked and awed over a "man" having a baby? They barely acknowledge that this person is transgendered. Which, in my opinion, means "he" is a woman. I won't blanketly say that having ovaries and a uterus makes you a woman. Mainly because I am not sure of the specifics of hermaphrodites, and I'm not interested in Googling it at this point. But having a fake penis fashioned from wherever they get it and having your breast tissue removed just does not make you a man.

I can appreciate that (s)he kept her reproductive organs for the purpose of having a biological child; but at the same time, I feel that (s)he did it specifically for the publicity that (s)he knew would come out of this situation. We have got to love fame whores. And they are definitely working Fifteen Minute Boulevard in this day and age.

With so many other stupid things going on in the world (the US, specifically), I have no idea why this irks me more so than anything else. But it does. I guess I just see it as an insult, of sorts. Like an insult to human intelligence. I really don't care about the sex change part of it. It just reminds me of those stupid Airwick commercials where they have the elephant married to the caterpillar or the octopus married to the land-dwelling creature I can't think of right now. Seriously?

I am sure there is an Oprah appearance in the near future. I feel for the child though. Having to grow up with this "claim to fame".

However, if this silliness causes scientists to find a way for a truly biological man to carry and birth a child, I'm all for that.

Redeemed

2008-07-02T23:37:00.001-05:00

I have been to visit my grandma TWICE since I last posted about it. (My redemption)

In the time I have been neglecting my wonderful Maw-Maw, she has quit smoking. Yay. That makes me so happy. Some of the reason that I was never in a hurry to visit was the smoke. I can't stand it. And I don't like exposing the babies to it. But in both visits, she has not smoked a single cigarette. I hope that she has really and truly quit. But if she can go 3 hours without a smoke, she probably has.

The babies are getting used to being around her. If I could get my sisters to go, that would be great. But since I know how to get there on my own, I don't care if they ever go again (with me). But I think it's important for my niece and nephew to know that they have a great-grandma, and that they take advantage of all the love she has to offer them.

One thing that Maw-Maw did do that was questionable was to tell Little Monkey that the boogie-man cuts off bad girls heads at night. I don't think that, at 2, Little Monkey understood what she was saying. But it did freak me out that she would say it. Gotta love the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. Ha!

So, what's really been up since the last time I caught up with my life? Well, I got all done with my masters – 3.66 GPA. And I am officially graduated. Got my diploma over on my desk to prove it. I'm waiting for my institutional recommendation paperwork to arrive so that I can get my license. It's only taking FOREVER. But I am in no hurry. As long as it gets here before the end of next week.

My birthday was all right. I didn't do anything. I usually hang out with friends and go out to eat or out to dance depending on the day of the week. It was nice to spend my birthday with my family. They got me a cake – white cake/white frosting. WRONG. I thought the entire world was aware that I am a chocolate cake/chocolate frosting kinda gal. So, no birthday cake for day-after-birthday for me.

I go Monday for my last appointment. A week later, I should pretty much know my fate. It's quite exciting. As things begin to get wrapped up. I am ready to move on to the next phase of life. I'm really comfortable in this phase, but really anxious to move on to the next one.

I got to see my favorite cousin today. He's in state visiting my favorite aunt and uncle. It was really good to see him. To see that he approves of what I'm doing in life. I don't know why, but for as long as I can remember, I've always wanted his approval. He's just so smart. And he thinks I'm pretty smart.

I led the discussion at women's bible study tonight. We talked about "Effective Prayer". It was a good lesson, if I do say so myself. However, those ladies are pretty lazy, and I was "voted" to lead the next lesson. That's just sorry in my opinion. How are we ALL supposed to grow if only one of us is doing all the legwork? It'll be all right though. Next time, we'll do "Forgive and Forget". That part of tonight's lesson got a lot of attention/discussion.

I still have not figured out my "new year's" resolutions. I will think about it for a few more days.

Happy New Year

2008-07-01T22:15:00.001-05:00

I absolutely love my birthday. To me, it's the most important day of the year. It's MY "new year", and my chance to set resolutions for what I want to do with the year.

I am fortunate in that I get to spend half the year at one age (33); and the other half at my new age (34).

When I think about all the things I wanted to do, have done, and will do; I really cannot state whether or not I'm exactly where I thought I would be – or wanted to be – at this age.

I did think that I would have been married by now with at least one child. But it doesn't really bother me that I am not. I have so many things I want to do – as far as career – that I don't really have time to think about the personal things, I guess. I haven't given up hope on a family of my own though.

As for education and career, I don't really know what I was expecting for this stage in life. I always assumed I'd just be in the military until I was 43. I am quite happy that I left THAT life behind.

I am looking forward to the next year. I have a lot to accomplish before the big *three five*, and no time to spare. Only 364 days left to make it count!

So, I did think about "the worst thing(s) about getting older" today. There was only one thing I could come up with:

Seeing the actors from my childhood getting old. They used to be so cute and shiny, and now they're all getting old and grey; their hair doesn't shine like it used to. Case in point: Ben Stiller in "Reality Bites" – so cute. Ben Stiller now – so funny.

One day, Michael Jackson, Prince, Molly Ringwald, et al are going to die. And I'm going to be sad because a huge, impressionable piece of my childhood is gonna be gone.

Okay, other than that, I love getting older. Bring on 40!

I seriously suck

2008-06-17T23:00:00.001-05:00

I forgot my grandmother's birthday. I JUST remembered. My dad didn't remind me. Both my sisters forgot. I will have to take the Monkeys to see her in the A.M. I will need to get a present, too. I will find something to match the clock Middle Sister got her for Christmas.

In my defense – no, there is no defense – my grandmother's actual birthday is June 29^th. Well, according to her birth certificate that is when it is. However, my entire life, we've celebrated it on June 13^th. I don't know how something like this happens. Maybe she was a home birth (I'm sure in 1925 south), and she didn't get "on the books" till June 29^th. I would like to think that my grandma knows her own birthday.

So, tomorrow, it's off to Maw Maw's house.

Letters to myself

2008-06-15T23:20:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I was thinking about some sort of life planning and was going through my calendar (in Outlook) and came across my birthday for 2011. Maybe, if all goes according to plan that is the year I'll have my first "post-Peace Corps" birthday. So, I wrote myself a note in the appointment comments section. And in the subject line, I made sure to put a note to read the comments.

It was nothing special. Just a little scribble about what I was doing yesterday, and what I hoped to be doing or have accomplished by my 37^th birthday. I also put a note in there urging myself to "go out and have fun" on my birthday.

Oh, now I remember why I chose that day – my birthday is on a Friday in 2011; a good "go out" night. Should have known it was a random reason.

So occasionally, I want to pick random dates throughout my calendar and leave myself notes. I think it will be fun to get them so many days/years in the future. It'll be more fun than looking through a journal. It will force me to look back and reflect. Maybe I'll even put pictures in every now and again.

This will be fun project. Something interesting to look forward to. Well, provided I remember to keep this computer backed up and don't lose the data in a tragic pc crash.

Holiday Christians

2008-06-11T02:05:00.001-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking with an acquaintance, Chuck, and he asked what I was going that evening. Since it was Wednesday, I told him that I was going to church.

"Is it a holiday?" he asked.

I have to admit, I was a little taken aback. And somewhat amused. It was not the response I was expecting in any universe.

"Why do you think it's a holiday, Chuck?" I asked.

"Well," he started, "why would you go to church on a Wednesday if it wasn't a holiday?"

I assumed from that point on that Chuck was probably not raised with a religious background. No big deal. I didn't want to get into a religious debate or anything. I didn't want to evangelize ol' Chuck. I just explained to him that MOST churches have Wednesday night Bible study. And that ended our conversation on religion.

His question did make me think about how our church gets during the holidays – Christmas and Easter, mainly. It's standing room only up in the joint. We get a good weekly turnout since we built our bigger building, but nothing like on a holiday.

I mean, what is it about a holiday that makes a person want to come to church – but not any other day of the year. Seriously. Do these folks think that two times a year is going to get them into heaven? Obviously, they believe in heaven and all that stuff or else they wouldn't bother to come to church on Christmas (the birth) and Easter (the death and resurrection), right? So why only celebrate Jesus on those two days? Isn't every day the Lord's day??

I was slack in my church-going while I was in the military; never quite comfortable with strangers. But I either went to church, or I didn't. I didn't go for show – and possibly a free meal. There ain't nothing like a hungry Christian!

Once, we had a lady who only came to church when we had dinners. As she was leaving (with 3 take-home plates), Sister W* said, "We'll see you next time we eat, Sis B*." Sis B* has been a faithful member every since.

I guess sometimes you just have to be shamed into doing what you know you ought to be doing anyway. But to each his own, I've got enough to worry about with getting THIS soul into heaven.

Words of Wisdom (from chain email)

2008-06-10T20:53:00.001-05:00

'Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

A sharp tongue can cut my own throat.

If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn't oversleep.

Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important.

The best vitamin for making friends.... B1.

The happiness of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts.

The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge.

One thing I can give and still keep...is my word.

I lie the loudest when I lie to myself.

If I lack the courage to start, I have already finished.

One thing I can't recycle is wasted time.

Ideas won't work unless 'I' do.

My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.

The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what I might have been.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away.
Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late.

Letting Go

2008-06-09T22:42:00.001-05:00

Best Buddy is in California. For FIVE days she was about an hour away from where I live. I got ONE text. I made TWO phone calls and responded to the text. Nothing. My feelings are hurt. I thought we were really close.

She's in CALIFORNIA now. I will probably be in AFRICA within the next four to five months.

I've decided that I am no longer pursuing this relationship. It had a great run. But I guess she has outgrown me – baby, marriage, whatever else.

I really didn't think that true friends outgrew each other. I guess I was wrong. OR maybe I was wrong about the nature of the friendship.

Either way, I am done. I'm tired of writing emails that don't get answered for weeks. I am tired of leaving voicemails that never get answered. I'm tired of having text conversations. If you have time to text me continuously for 30 minutes, why not time for a 10 minute conversation. I know I talk a lot, but I don't hold people hostage on the phone.

It sucks when one of your "top tier" friends drops you. But I'll get over it and move right on. I promise not to drop my very best friends when I get married and have babies. I'll still be me, I'll just have more to talk about!

Productive (with a capital “P”)

2008-06-09T00:20:00.001-05:00

I think I stayed up way too late on Friday night considering I was going to babysit the Monkeys on Saturday while my sister did some part-time work. My mom was going to take them with her, but I know that would have just been crappy for everybody. So, what would be the harm? Big Monkey has the Xbox and Little Monkey is just Little Monkey.

It wasn't a bad day. I did eventually get my Little Monkey off on a nap. And I was able to avoid getting in the pool. And my sister was done at a pretty decent hour. I was able to get a nap myself after they left.

I did stay up way to late talking last night. Till like 2AM. Sometimes, there are just people you wanna talk to though. So, it's worth it. And I didn't really have a hard time getting up this morning. In fact, I was up a little earlier than usual. I got my clothes ironed. I was still late for church though. I just don't get it. Every time I get up early, I get there late.

I had to find a long skirt to wear because I hadn't shaved the stems. I was determined to find my razor refills – and luck of luck, I found them today. So, right now, my legs are silky smooth. I use the Schick Quatro. I have heard there is a razor out now with 5 blades in it though. I always use men's razors. I would rather use a razor designed for a face than one designed just for legs.

So, after church, I came home prepared to take a nap. I did rest a little while. But then I realized that if I didn't finally do the things I've been meaning to do for the past 3 or 4 months TODAY, I probably wasn't ever gonna do 'em. And I need to move a lot of stuff out of this room.

So, I went and got my extension cord out of my trailer. I adjusted the door on the shed. Something happened to it. It would not close all the way. I had to cut off part of the bottom on the inside to make it close. That was not as easy as I had hoped. But I did get it done.

Then, it was time to get the loft done. I have been putting that off since last year. I am sure it was before Christmas when I bought the lumber and plywood. So, I finally got a saw, and there were no excuses.

A lot of trial and error later, and the 2X4s were in place. I couldn't lift the plywood by myself (my dad said I bought it too thick, but I don't want to have it collapsing on me later), but when Fluffy drove up, I was saved.

It's finally done. I have 8'x8' of "floor space" in the loft of the shed. Tomorrow, I will reorganize my stuff and move stuff I don't need in here anymore out of this room to the shed. More space!!! I would have done that today, but I was covered in sawdust and couldn't stand the idea of sweating anymore.

All in all, I was Productive today. With a capital "p".

Stuff and Tv

2008-06-06T23:55:00.001-05:00

I really better get a job soon. I am getting lazier with each passing day. And I've only been "doing nothing" for 3 weeks. It comes at you fast. I got a call from Phil. I should be getting my paperwork next week. So, I can get my license application in the mail before the end of the month. My tassel came today as well. It's yellow AND maroon. I don't know if I want to put it in the car and fade it out like my orange one. Let me think on it.

On to Tv…

The new season of "My Boys" starts on Thursday. I will tell you what I hate about cable "seasons": they are only 13 episodes. What can we learn about these characters in thirteen 30-minute episodes? Last "season", old girl had invited one of her many admirers to go to Italy with her. We don't know which one. That was the cliffhanger.

Well, we assume it wasn't the old boyfriend (Thorn) – the one played by Jeremy Sisto (so love him). He is now on Law & Order and unless the shows film at separate times, then he is not our mystery date. So, that leaves the botanist (Evan) and the baseball player (cute Cub is what they call him). The baseball player is on Scrubs every now and again as Eliot's ex-fiancé, Keith.

We do know that whoever she chose upgraded their tickets to first class assuming he used the ticket she had bought for her guest. How much to upgrade to first class? Hmmm, I don't know. If it's a lot, then it was somebody with some dough. If not, it could still be any of them. So, on Thursday, we get to see who got on the plane. Oh the suspense.

"Army Wives" will be back on Sunday. "Monk" and "Psych" will be back in July.

I wasn't really *into* "Psych" when it first came out, but it did kinda grow on me after a couple of episodes. I do have to wonder whose favorite color is green, because Shawn is almost ALWAYS wearing a shirt in some shade of green. Not so much for Gus, as he has a more versatile style. More style – period. I'm not opposed to green. It can be a flattering color. Shawn does occasionally wear a pink polo shirt. I LOVE a man who can/will wear a pink shirt.

I am really looking forward to giving up Tv.

Is it gone?

2008-06-05T22:58:00.001-05:00

I've had a headache for quite a few days. I think it's finally gone.

I have been tired of entertaining the Monkeys in the pool the past two days with this headache. Tomorrow, there will be NO swimming till Momma Monkey comes home. I'm tired, and it's hot outside.

I had lunch with Mentor Teacher. We ate at this "new to me" place off the square. It was pretty nice. A decent Chinese Chicken Salad though I would have preferred a Cobb Salad. Nobody makes those anywhere around here.

We talked about the firings and hirings at the school. One of the subs got the SPED job. She wondered why Favorite Teacher's Daughter didn't get it. I told her that FTD didn't want it because she didn't want to go through the same old drama as the last time. And no one really knows that FTD is not certified. She has not been able to pass the PRAXIS PLT. But that is a secret.

I would like to think I did a lot today, but I didn't. And I plan to do even less tomorrow. However, on Saturday, it's time to get some stuff done around here. And I'm gonna get this room straight for the summer. I need to clear out all my school stuff. Open up this space so I can do some exercise videos or something. Get rid of this clutter and open up my chakras. (LOL)

RANDOM THOUGHT: Shooter Jennings is kinda hott. (He's on Chelsea Lately right now)

Don’t Answer the Phone

2008-06-04T23:59:00.001-05:00

So, I called my academic counselor as soon as the clock struck 9AM this morning (Wednesday). I left her a message. I decided to be nice. I told her what I was willing to compromise on.

Instead of calling me back, she emails me. Phil called me. He knew what was up. He says he's going to expedite my institutional recommendation paperwork. But that still doesn't help me with the transcripts.

I cannot believe that she didn't call me back though. How cowardly. What did she think I was going to do? Make her cry? No, there is nothing that I could do or say to her to make her do anything she didn't want to do. So why the avoidance? She really did/does have the upper hand. She has something I want. Not the other way around.

At the end of the day, I got my money back. And that is what is important. I don't believe in paying for things or services that I do not receive or cannot use upon receipt.

And my counselor assures me that my diploma will be mailed to me (from there, not actually IN my grubby little hands) within 5-7 days. I don't know if that's day-by-days or business days.

I'm still hoping to have my application in the mail before the 20^th. And getting my license about 3 weeks after that. Here's hoping.

Peeved

2008-06-03T21:31:00.001-05:00

So, I called the board of education to see if I could get a license in TENNESSEE. Because, right now, my back up plan is: renting a room from Old Navy Buddy in Johnson City, TN. I have to go somewhere. So why not somewhere where I know someone?

I got all the info I needed from the very nice lady at the BoE. Then I called my TES, Phil. Phil answers his phone. None of the people I talk to ever answer their phones. Phil does. We discussed this and that about getting my institutional recommendation done.

After talking to him, I was pretty sure that everything was set to go. I told him that I expected to have my diploma NO LATER THAN Monday since I paid the $30 to have it expedited. And that was to get it in 2 weeks. Two weeks would expire TODAY. So, I was being a homey giving them till Monday.

Well, somebody screwed the pooch on my application, and the following email conversation transpired:

Hello Reasonably Happy Gal,

I just wanted you to know that when I followed up on your diploma, it wasn't processed the first time I sent it off because when I faxed it, ½ of it went through they said so they couldn't process it. I'm sorry that they didn't inform me sooner. Once it gets processed then we can go from there and your rush will take place. I'm sending it off again right now. Thanks!

Now, my hide was just about too chapped when I read that. So I replied with:

Will I be refunded? It has already been 2 weeks.

And her response:

That I don't know because the request was never received properly due to the fax, not because I didn't send it off. I will have to ask my manager.

My final answer – until I call in the morning and read someone their rights:

If I cannot be refunded, do I have to wait another 2 weeks before I get my diploma and transcripts?

Are the people who receive the fax from you not required to let you know when they receive incomplete paperwork?

I would prefer to NOT pay for a service I have not received no matter who is at fault, especially if I am not at fault in the matter.

So, when I call tomorrow, I am going to tell this woman that there is always the "2 day rush" option that SHE can "make happen" for me since I paid her on May 20^th and I don't give a rat's ass whose fault it is that it didn't go through. Or, I will ask to speak to her manager. This issue will NOT go unresolved.

I realize they really do have m by the balls. They have the upper hand. But I won't be bullied. Even if it takes me forever to get the damn diploma.

I was kinda bummed about all this. But I really am not letting it get to me. You can get a job as long as you have the intent – and qualifications – to get licensed. So, if I need to get a job – and I hope I don't – I can.

I'm just letting this roll off my back. For now. But I know that something will happen to cause me to show out while I'm on the phone. I hope not. But you never know.

I wonder if she is expecting a call from me. I know that she doesn't want to talk on the phone. If she did, she would have called me today instead of emailing. She calls me for everything else. Maybe I can intimidate her. Ha ha ha. I'm going to get my argument together right now. So that I am armed with the facts and not trying to think of things off the top of my head.

Diggin’ Up Bones

2008-06-03T00:11:00.001-05:00

Earlier this evening, I was searching for a notebook to make a "to do" list for tomorrow (Tuesday). That is the only way I can get anything done: make a list and check off the items.

So, while searching for paper, I found some of my old journals – from 2002. Okay, that wasn't *that* long ago, but boy was it a lifetime ago.

I want to go back and read all the stuff that I wrote; the feelings that I felt; see what I *thought* I was going through back in the day. But there is another part of me that just wants to let sleeping dogs lay. Anything from September 1998 – May 2005 would just be like picking at a scab. You know it's gonna hurt and bleed, but you just can't stop yourself from pick, pick, picking. I'm not ready for the oozing, puss-mixed blood to flow just yet.

Speaking of scabs, I've been dreaming a lot about people from my past – especially "the college years". People I have no feelings for one way or another. Okay, that's a lie – I don't really like these people. And I would prefer to NOT dream – or think at all – about any of these folks. I just did not fully enjoy college. And I guess aside from Freshman Roomie, Best Friend, Good Friend, Best Buddy, and Chef, I have no desire to recall that time. Or the people associated with it.

I guess nothing ever stays buried. But I refuse to sit alone and dig up bones. (ßRandy Travis reference)

Saw II

2008-06-02T00:00:00.001-05:00

This week, I got myself a present – a skill saw. I LOVE power tools. I love to build things. I made my bed. It's a queen-size, four-poster bed. Red oak. The posts are 7 feet tall. It's really nice. I saw it in a book and said, "I want that bed." So, I made it. A lot of blood (splinters), sweat (it's hot in a wood shop), and tears (again from the splinters). But, I can say "I made my bed, I have to lie in it" and know that it's true. Unfortunately, the bed is in storage while my life is in transition.

So, I have to put a loft in the storage shed out back. I needed a saw. I could have borrowed or rented one, but I wanted my own saw. So, I went to Wal-Mart and got one. I'd really like to have a table saw, but this circular/skill saw has some neat features. I can adjust the depth of the cut. And I can do angles up to 45 degrees.

I got to use my saw today. Had to cut up some plywood to put under the posts for the above-ground pool that my mom got for the grandkids. This pool has been a major headache for me. But I digress.

Tools rock. And I can't wait to have my own house and my own workshop.

Racism and “Sex”

2008-05-31T12:11:00.001-05:00

My very close friend, Chef, does not like white folk. She is a business woman, so she plays the "game" of getting along. She plays it pretty well, too. White folk love her. But from having conversations with her, it is clear that she does not like white folk.

I'm fine with that. Like whom you like. It does not seem to bother her that my Best Friend and my Best Buddy are white women. She never says anything derogatory about them directly, but she does make comments in general. Especially because both Best Friend and Best Buddy are in interracial relationships. And I am sure that in her head, the thoughts are swirling; "Why is she friends with them?"

When Chef and I met, I was dating a white guy. For that reason, she seems to think that I only date white guys. That is not the case that is just what was going on when she met me.

A bit of irony in all this – for me – is that Chef's favorite Tv show is "Sex & the City". She has the game. I got it for her for Christmas one year. She has the DVDs. I bought about ½ of those for her as well. She was THAT into it, that I indulged her.

So, how does a reverse-racist (is that the correct terminology?) come to LOVE a show that is centered on white people, and worst of all, white women? I don't know. But I do find it funny. I don't point out the irony of it though. In fact, I don't think she even watches any of the "black" shows that I watch: "Girlfriends", "The Game", what else is there? I don't watch "Everybody Hates Chris". I can't think of anything else right now. Not a good sign for Tv.

I try not to impose my views on people. And I try not to make other people feel uncomfortable. It does sometimes bug me when Chef is on an anti-white people rant. I mean, what does she expect me to say? My most supportive friend is Caucasian. She does not represent the whole race for me, but for me to say derogatory things about her race would be an insult to her on some level. So, for now, I just listen quietly. Though I do wonder what Chef would say if I had half-white babies one day.

Score!!!

2008-05-30T21:54:00.001-05:00

I got my PRAXIS scores today. Well, I killed on the Principles of Learning and Teaching exam. The *average* high score for that exam is 180. I got a 179. I knew I did well on that test. It just felt that easy. I was pretty confident about the multiple-choice questions, and I felt pretty strongly about the case studies. I got a perfect score on the "communications" case study – holla!!

The math re-test, I did not do as well as I had hoped, but I did do 9 points better. That opened up 14 additional states that I can attempt certification within – and move to one of these days should I so desire. Woo hoo!!! Four more points added to that would have really stroked my ego though. I did A LOT better on the geometry, trig, and calculus portions (no wonder!), but I did WORSE on all the other parts. In one of the easy sections, I went down A LOT. What gives? If I had maintained in those areas and gone up where I did, I could have stomped it. Oh well. I've got more options, and that's what I was working towards.

I hope that I am done with this phase of life for a very long time. If I never take another standardized test again, it will be too damn soon.

Monday, I will confer with the Board of Education to see if I can get certified here. If not, it's on to the next state… and on down the list. I do have 25 states to choose from now.

I'm exhaling now.

An Experiment in Avoidance

2008-05-30T18:50:00.001-05:00

My birthday is coming up soon. I love, love, love birthdays. My last three birthdays have been pretty good. In 2005, I was with Best Buddy in New Orleans. We went out. We bar-hopped. I had a good old time. In 2006, I was in Afghanistan. Best Friend and Best Buddy sent me tons of party decorations. I took it upon myself to throw myself a birthday party. It was a blast. In 2007, I was again with Best Buddy in New Orleans. But this time, there was no bar-hopping. We were also celebrating the birth of her (our) first baby who had been born 11 days earlier.

I don't know what I'll do this year, but I do know that there are one or two people I DON'T want to talk to… or hear from ever again for that matter. One of them should be having a baby a couple of weeks before my birthday. I am praying that her self-centeredness and exhaustion will help her to forget all about me and my birthday. IF I allow her to wish me a happy birthday, I will be subjected to the tale of how great all this motherhood business is. I would not mind this from a "typical" person, but this is a woman whose whims on motherhood change with the frequency of her mates. If she is with a man who does not like children, she claims to hate them. If she is with a man who longs to be a father, she can't wait to fill up her uterus. Spare me the fickleness, please. Take a stance and stick to it. Be who you are, not who you think the person you are sleeping with wants you to be.

So, in an attempt to avoid this person at all costs, I have been letting both my text message inbox and my voice mail inbox fill up. I don't know how many texts it takes to fill it up, but I'm not there yet and there have to be about 100 texts in the damn phone right now. So, for the sake of not getting caught up talking to someone who will, inevitably, cause me to "think" that my birthday has been ruined, I am not deleting anything until a day or two after my birthday.

I know, I know, I should just be straight-forward with this girl. Tell her how I feel. Well, let me tell you; I have. Back in 2004 I told this girl EXACTLY how I felt about her. How I don't like to associate with hypochondriac, pathological liars. How I would much rather gouge my eardrums out with an ice pick than to hear her whine and complain about another personal life crisis. And what does she do??? She says that we can discuss this over a girl's weekend together and work through it. Um, I just told you that I think you're the biggest loser to roam the earth, and you're cool with that? Well, I knew she had issues.

My downfall with this person is her mother. Her mother is one of the nicest people I have ever met. I love hanging out with her mother. She is nothing like her mother. So, in keeping in contact with her mother – who has admitted to me that she thinks there is something "not right" about this girl – I guess I am doomed to be associated with her … for almost ever.

Anyway… I'm not taking calls on my birthday. Well, I will. But that is what callerID is for, right?

But what is the best way to get rid of the toxic people in your life? Especially if telling them to go away doesn't work.

The Spirit of the Soul

2008-05-30T00:36:00.001-05:00

Some people believe that we pick our parents before we ever come to earth; that our souls are lingering around in ethereal space just waiting for each of our turns to come back. Then, I suppose, we review all the "applicants" and decide which ones we will take. I have to wonder what kind of soul/spirit I have that would choose the parents that I have.

Maybe I hesitated and had to take what was left over.

Or perhaps, I have a crusading soul. One that thinks it can – and should – save the world. It must be a stronger soul than it has ever indicated to me. I have just recently released all my "fears" and decided to live before I die.

Or maybe, it's a tortured soul; one that loves to be tormented.

Or maybe, it's a punished soul. I could be paying a karmic debt in this lifetime for some off the wall crap I did in a past life.

For whatever reason(s) God put me where he did, I am sure it's a good one. At this precise moment, however, I can't say that I understand it. And at the rate that I'm going; I probably won't ever.

I've always been the "black sheep" of this family. And now, more so than ever, it is evident that I don't really fit in here. So, what's a soul to do?

Well, my first instinct is to just disappear. And the more I'm here, the better that idea seems. Every day, I realize that when I do leave, they aren't going to miss me one bit. I suppose I haven't really given them any reason to. And I'm not really trying too hard to make an impression anymore. Why should I have to try to fit into my own family?

So, when I tell them that I might not come back when I leave this time, I'm only half joking. There is a bigger part of me that wants to just wash my hands of all it. Start fresh. Or just savor the solitary lifestyle.

I would miss the girl children though. I don't think I would miss the boy. I should be ashamed for thinking that, but it's the truth.

Who knows? I could wake up in a much better mood tomorrow. But I'm not going to count on that. I will pray on it though. Wherever He tells me to go and whatever He tells me to do, I hope I'm listening attentively.

I need my sign, Lord.

Happy Birthday, Tutti

2008-05-29T23:38:00.001-05:00

Today is my baby sister's 30^th birthday. I suppose this means that my mother is getting old.

My sister tells us that, at 30, she feels that she has outgrown the nickname "Tutti". Our Biggy gave her that nickname. I can't believe she doesn't want it anymore.

We had cake – white with white frosting (eeewwww), and we cooked out.

I love birthdays!

For Sentimental Reasons

2008-05-28T23:51:00.001-05:00

I ordered a tassel today. I have no desire to go through yet another graduation ceremony. I just want the tassel.

Well, after many chats with a few people and a couple of unanswered emails, I got the info I needed to lead myself in the right direction. Then, I figured it out on my own.

So, a $7.95 tassel is costing me $20.70 (shipping and tax, you know.) But it will be worth it. I will hang it from my rearview mirror with the orange one I have from the School of Engineering – to fade beyond recognition and remind me of what I've accomplished. In case I ever forget, you know.

Now, if I could just find my high school tassel, that would be a super tacky display of educational prowess.

Just One of Dem Days…

2008-05-28T23:00:00.001-05:00

Today was just one of those days where I wanted to crawl under a rock and just disappear. I guess I woke up in a foul mood. The monkeys spent the night. Little Monkey was just not trying to be cooperative at all. She wanted to drink soda all night. And she kept going back and forth between my room and my mom's room. I just wanted to relax, do some puzzles, and watch Tv. Oh, but it was not meant to be.

When I finally did get some peace; I fell asleep.

I woke up and didn't have a good hour before the Little Monkey was up and about. She always comes over here to my room. But she is never really interested in being nice to me. But someone is better than no one. I hope she grows out of that as she gets older.

I got a call from the school that my check was ready. Woo hoo!!! Money! At least I know where the next 3 months' rent is coming from. Thank goodness.

I went to get my check. I hung out with Guidance Counselor for a while. As it turns out, several of our students have called the school begging and pleading: "I'll do anything if you just let me pass." Well, I don't think that's true at all. You had an entire school year to do "anything" in order to pass, yet you didn't. You just sat in class, ignoring the teacher, talking when you should have been quiet, not turning in your homework or other assignments. Sorry, buddies. Let this be a lesson.

After I got done visiting, I headed to Wal-Mart. I haven't been in a while, and I had a list. A list of household goods that needed to be obtained. I got all the stuff on my list, and I was ready to go except for printing out some pictures. Well, that was not meant to be. Everybody and their momma were waiting. I should just order them online and have them delivered to the store. It's cheaper. I just might do that tomorrow.

I got home and the games began again. Me and Little Monkey. Little Monkey and Big Monkey and Stray Monkey. I don't like other people's kids. They are just … other people's kids. I love these to death, but they are a headache.

My brother got my nephew an Xbox for his birthday, so my mom had me hook it up. You'd think that would be enough to get some peace and quiet – nope! I can't wait for the sun to shine all day so the big kids can stay in the pool all day.

I did not want to go to church tonight. It's song practice night. I don't know why we bother. We are not a choir. We are a church. If only 25% of the congregation comes to song practice, how is that helping us sound better on Sunday??? Yeah, riiiiiiiigghhtt. But I suffer. I wanted to be home, bathed and in bed doing Sudoku by 9PM. Didn't happen.

Anyway, I'm in bed now. I don't have zoo-keeper duty. I can do puzzles all night… but I'm sleepy. Oh well. You can't win 'em all.

Oh, the mood…. It's PMS.

PRAXIS

2008-05-27T11:27:00.001-05:00

So, on April 26^th, I went back for what I hope is my last PRAXIS experience. I decided a while ago to retake the 0061: Math Content Knowledge exam. I wanted a better score so that I am more marketable in more states. So, here's hoping. The PLT was a new experience. BUT I had taken a test that was very similar – if not harder – and I did pretty well.

So, I was lucky enough to get a test center that is about 10-15 minutes up the street. The last time I went, I had to drive over an hour. I am sure that added to my stress. My first PRAXIS experience ended up with me in the emergency room being treated for an anxiety attack. How sad and pathetic. But I am not a good test taker. I'll research and write papers till the cows come home, but don't ask me to take a test with time constraints.

So, I went on that Saturday and found my location. I was not stressing about the math test. I have already taken it and passed. I was just there to do better. No worries. We go in. We get signed up. We get the test. Wouldn't you know it was the exact same test I had back in September. However, this time, it didn't seem as hard. When I took it the first time, it seemed to be completely cal and trig. But this time around, it seemed more "manageable"; but it was, no doubt, the exact same test. I am sure the fact that I was not having an anxiety attack helped, too.

So, I am confident that I increased my score by, at least, 10 points. I'll know by the end of the week. And at first, I was perturbed about getting the same test. But when I thought about it, I realized at least now I will know that I really did do better. If I had a different test and I did better, I would think that it was because the newer test was easier. So now, when I do better, I won't second-guess my abilities.

We got about a 2-3 hour break between tests. I went to get something to snack on and then parked to study for the PLT. I read and re-read the same notes I used to study for the AEPA. It was more comprehensive than the PRAXIS study guide – which was 10 sample questions! What a great help. So, if I had to offer any advice to anyone studying for any state teaching certification exam: use study guides from any state you can find NOT just the state you're testing in. Some are more comprehensive than others. But in teaching, all the same concepts and theories apply.

So, we go back for the retest. I run into a few people I know. One woman I had met in Georgia last year when we took the AEPA. I passed the Professional Knowledge portion – she did not. That was why she was back again. But this time to tackle the PRAXIS version. We chatted for a while, and I made small talk with the other girls that I knew from my same district. They were there to take the special ed test in order to get into a masters program. The rules have changed a little bit. Now, in Mississippi, you have to pass the PLT BEFORE you can be admitted to a masters program. That really sucks. Because you really do learn a lot while doing student teaching that helps you with the PLT. There was a lot of stuff from past courses that I had to dig up for my 3 student teaching seminars. And having to dig up that stuff that really helped me.

So, since I had found my score report from the AEPA and figured I could use those if I needed to; I was not worried about how I did on the PLT. Or so I thought. As soon as we walked into the testing room, every pore on my body opened up and tossed out 5 gallons of sweat. I was on fire and my clothes were soaked from neck to ankle. I could not believe how drenched I was in sweat. It was embarrassing. I took off my sweater (it was cold in this building) and just came to the conclusion that whatever happened would happen.

While I was filling out the scantron paper, my writing was illegible. I was shaking so badly, I couldn't keep it together. I was trying to calm myself down. I was doing breathing. I was trying to meditate. Nothing was working. So then, they passed out the test. It was 4 case studies and 24 multiple-choice questions. The format of the test was case study; case study; 12 multiple-choice questions; case study; case study; 12 multiple-choice questions.

My strategy was to do all 24 of the multiple-choice questions then worry about the case studies. We were told to allot 20 minutes for all of the multiple-choice. I was done with the multiple-choice questions in about 5 minutes. And there were only 2 questions that I was not sure about. I was positive that the other 22 questions were correct. The answers were so straight-forward. I was very surprised. There were 2 answers you could immediately count out. And the other 2 were not that confusing.

When I finished with the multiple-choice questions, my body temperature had returned to normal. I was calm. And I was ready to tackle this test. The case studies went smoothly. I did get tripped up one or two times. But I just kept on going – drawing arrows to connect my train of thought instead of erasing.

I was finished when the woman said "You have 10 minutes." I went back and skimmed everything. I didn't scrutinize and I didn't obsess. The girl I had chatted with earlier was sitting in front of me. She was still doing a case study when the 10-minutes-left was called. About 5 minutes after that, she turned the page for the last set of 12 multiple-choice questions. At that point, MY heart sank for her. She had not done the multiple-choice first. Fatal mistake. She did not finish 9 of the questions. But the 3 she did answer, she answered the same as me – so at least she got those right.

Then the test was over, I felt pretty good. SEVERAL of the people sitting around me did not finish. I didn't want to admit that I had finished. I didn't want to gloat. But I did think the test was fairly easy. But I had been studying all week. Most of the people told me that they didn't see how you could study for the test. Well, it was possible. Especially for the multiple-choice.

The girls from my district think they failed. The woman I met in Georgia thinks she failed. Most of the people around me think they failed. I hope I passed. I should know by Friday.

My Favorite Teacher's Daughter took the test that day as well. She didn't take it where I took it. I guess that is a good thing. She didn't do well. She choked up. When I talked to Favorite Teacher, I wanted to tell her that they were concentrating too much on remembering names and theories. When I think you should just concentrate on application but not so much whose idea it is.

It will suck if I don't pass. I'll just take the test again. But we're not even thinking negatively.

When we last left our heroine…

2008-05-26T22:16:00.001-05:00

At my last posting, I was just finishing up with student teaching and starting my very last course – MAT 552: Family and Community Involvement. Overall, my student teaching experience was wonderful. I did complete that part with a grade of "A". And I was extra motivated to finish 68% of my writing assignments before MAT 552 even officially started!

For my last day, some of the students threw me a farewell party. It wasn't really "farewell" because on April 28^th, I took over the reins for Pregnant Math Teacher. She left on April 23^rd to be induced the following day (Thursday). She decided that it would be a good idea for her to take a pile of ungraded papers home with her. I am not sure when she thought she was going to grade these papers – in between the epidural and the placenta dropping??? Give me a break.

So, I got to her room on that Monday. Since it was senior trip day, I had two free periods in a row. My first line of action was to get rid of the open windows. Yes, Pregnant Math Teacher had near floor-to-ceiling windows with NO window coverings. And then these windows face the student parking lot and the highway.

So, I put up white paper. Then I printed out a bunch of cartoons and quotations about school, respect, and other educational stuff. I also had to print up a sign that said "NO GUM ALLOWED". I was sweeping up way too much gum at the end of the day. And the floor was already a mess from prior gum offenders.

The sign did not go over well. By the end of the week, it was covered in gum, and it had caused much strife between me and the disrespectful students who felt that I should not have the sign up with all the gross gum on it. I had to continually point out that maybe those little snot-heads should not be defacing my property.

After getting the windows in order, I tackled the paperwork. There were piles of unorganized paper EVERYWHERE. On the file cabinet. On the desk. On the table. On the floor in boxes. It was a hot mess. I started out trying to organize and alphabetize. By the time I was mid-way through this endeavor, I had decided to just categorize by dates. So, I made dividers by date and just put all the papers in copy-paper boxes – since she didn't have file cabinet space available.

At the end of the day, it's a much better organized room. I just don't know why she keeps everything. Those kids never know how they are doing. I think that is pretty crazy. But it's neither here nor there as far as *I* am concerned. I believe in returning work to students within two days. I don't know her policy. Nor do I care.

So, for the first week, I was the talk of the town. EVERYONE loved me!! Parents loved me. Students loved me. Well, the reason why is that they NEEDED me. We were preparing for the subject area test and all the kids were scared shitless – and I knew how to work all the problems. I was their hero. I knew that the tables would turn as soon as they didn't need me anymore.

And sure enough, they did! When it was time to get back to business and learn new stuff; nobody was on board. Nope. They didn't wanna learn. They wanted to sail off into the end of the year sunset… but they didn't have any grades! I didn't know if they didn't really have any grades or if she just didn't have any grades in the grade book. Well, as it turned out, she had that ton of work at her house…. Ungraded.

By the time I was winding down (I'll spare myself the rehash of the really gory details); she called to ask if I could grade the papers – in my last week. If she had left them in the first place things would have been so easy. But she didn't.

So, in addition to writing a 6-Weeks test and a Final Exam; I was grading a pile of papers. And she didn't leave good details about her grading scheme (how many points for each question; partial credit); I may have been too lenient on the papers I graded as compared to some from the same assignments that she had graded.

Another thing she does – that I hate – is when grading a multi-page test; she goes through and grades all the page 1s; then all the page 2s. I don't do that unless each page has its own grade. Anyway.

The best part of this experience (sarcasm) was the fact that Pregnant Math Teacher tells me that she planned to make the 6-Weeks test MULTIPLE CHOICE. Okay, this is math. It is not the ACT/SAT/other standardized test; so why should it be multiple choice??? She apparently spread this nasty word to some of the students and/or their parents. I was eventually "forced" to change MY tests from "you need to know how to do this" to "multiple guess".

I was cool with that. Okay, not really. But I had been giving those snot-heads quizzes almost every day. Therefore, I knew what their pitfalls would be. And I designed the test in a way that would really test whether or not they knew how to do the math.

So, for the algebra class, I gave them 6 questions that required work and 14 that were multiple choice. The transition class got all 20 questions multiple choice. The Final Exam was the same test, BUT in different order. And the algebra class had 6 different questions that required work, but they were still from the same test.

I was leaving on the 15^th to head to Chicago with Chef (another post completely); so I had to leave the Final with the principal. At any point; however, Pregnant Math Teacher could have written her own tests. You'd think she'd have tests from LAST YEAR since this is her second year teaching. Well, next year she won't have any either… they will be buried in the mess.

Overall, the subbing experience was good because it was just like being back in the military and doing an exercise given the worst case scenario. I had to do the recon and fix actions. It was good practice. I don't think I would want to work at Hicksville High School if it was the last school on earth because…

When I returned from my trip and went to get my check – which can't be picked up till the 28^th by the way – I found out that the principal gave the students the EXACT SAME Final Exam to use as a study guide. Complete with my bonus question. All they did was white-out the title on the test. I am sure that I was not meant to find that part out, but I did. AND some of the young idiots still failed the test. So, a few of the lovely pupils were "given" a grade just to make it out of algebra I. I cannot wait for them to get to Mentor Teacher's class next year. Rude awakening, snot-heads, rude awakening.

Oh, in between all this; I finished MAT 552. I turned in all my assignments early. My professor LOVED my teacher work sample. She said "wow". Uh huh. I got an A for the course and finished the program with a 3.63. My diploma will be here by the middle of next week. PRAXIS scores should be here by end of this week. Now starts the challenge of getting certified!

Just when I was about to give up hope…

2008-05-26T22:10:00.001-05:00

Today's Cancer Horoscope: May 21, 2008

" Dear Cancer, are you hoping to accomplish a goal that you've been working towards for a long time? Don't let delays cause you to fear it'll never happen. It may block your creative energies and cause you to lose faith in yourself. Fortunate changes are in the wind, yet it's still going to take a little more effort for you to get where you want to be. Gird up your loins and keep on going. You'll get there! "

Well, I certainly hope so. Right now, for probably the first time in my adult life, I don't have a *solid* backup plan. It's not that I'm putting all my eggs in one basket. I just don't see how I can have a good backup plan that goes along with what I am doing – or rather, trying to do – and still focus on the Plan A.

Well, after some thought and consideration – it is 5 days later, after all – I have come to realize that if "it" is not going to happen, I will know in time to do other things.

I've been looking at job listings for different states. I think that I won't have a problem finding a job even if I start looking in July. So, I'm good. I don't think my bad dream was an omen; just a dream.

Why Married People Suck

2008-04-23T00:19:00.000-05:00

I love married people. I hope to be one of them one day – sooner rather than much later. But I have learned a few things about married people along my single lifescapades that just bug me to no end.

“Asking permission.” I cannot stand to hear a married person say that they have to ask if they can do something. Um, no. Unless you are not contributing to the financial accumulations of the household (and yes, I do mean stay at home mommas) then you really don’t need to be asking for permission to do shit.

You INFORM your spouse of the situation. You get a read. If there are no conflicts, proceed. But don’t “ask” if you can go to the mall with Suzanne. Tell him you’re going if he has nothing planned for the two of you. Coming home to cook his dinner while he watches the game does not count as plans. But that is just my opinion.

Next: Cleaning up after one another. I believe that housekeeping is a joint effort. Living in the house is a joint effort. If you’re making ½ the mess, why is one person doing ALL the cleaning? Even if you’re staying at home all day, I don’t think that person should take sole responsibility for the housekeeping.

Yes, you’re there all day, IF you’re not making a mess, there isn’t one to clean. But the person working outside the home shouldn’t be leaving dirty socks and drawers all over the place expecting that the laundry fairy is making rounds throughout the week.

The main reason why I don’t like married people is because they think they are more important than single people. Yes, they do. This goes back to my days on shift work. As you may or may not know, with shift work in the military, you don’t usually work the same schedule every week. You will work something like 2 days on (7am-7pm); have 48 hours off; work 2 nights on (7pm-7am); then have 72 hours free.

So, on this schedule, you can plan out in advance what days you will be working or off; but from week to week, it won’t ever be the same days.

Now, imagine this, it’s Christmas. As luck would have it, I have off on Christmas. Well, one or two of my MARRIED coworkers does not have off. Luck of the draw.

However, they are convinced that I – as well as my other single coworkers – should switch shifts with them because… wait for it. wait for it.

WE DON’T HAVE FAMILY.

What the freak kinda logic is that? Did I just spring up from the foam of the ocean? I don’t have family? I am sure the woman who pushed me out, and those persons that I share 7 or so alleles with would beg to differ.

Yes, not only do single people HAVE families, but we have to work harder to get to them at holidays. Unfortunately, they don’t live in the same house with us. They probably don’t even live in the same state.

I really hope that I don’t forget what it’s like to be single when I do get married. I hope that I don’t forget that there is nothing wrong with a woman of a certain age not being married – it is her choice, afterall. I hope that I don’t forget that no one wants to hear the boring ass stories of my married life. Most importantly, I hope that I don’t forget who I am or who I was.

Married (Coupled) People Who Share Email

2008-04-21T01:28:00.000-05:00

I’m willing to bet my life’s savings (and I’ve done pretty well in the last 7 years) that anytime I see a couple with a “shared” email, it’s the woman’s idea.

The first time I encountered this “phenomena” was with a classmate at Ole Miss. She told me to “be careful” what I sent to her because she and boyfriend were sharing an email account.

Okay, but um, why? Email is free. It’s so easy to setup a caveman could do it. So, why are they sharing an email address? Was there a sudden shortage at yahoo.com?

Well, knowing that pathetic excuse for womanhood the way that I do, I know that it was her idea for them to “share” an email account. She IS the “I have to know what you are doing at all time because if I don’t you’ll cheat on me” type. And, by the way, dude DID have his own email accounts. And he was cheating on her.

But the fact that they had that shared account was enough for her to tell me how “uninformed” I was when I asked her exactly how having ONE shared email account prevents cheating. Her response: how can he cheat if I’m able to read his email??

Apparently, when you have one email account OR you have all the passwords to your significant other’s accounts, they can’t possible go behind your back, setup new accounts, and go on with life as they see fit. Or unfit. That just doesn’t happen. Riiiiiiiiiight.

I’ve never had any desire to have any of my boyfriend’s passwords; basically because I don’t want to share mine. I do all my business from MY email. My bills come to my email. All the stupid websites that I subscribe to that I would be embarrassed for any normal person to know about (Weight Watcher’s, eDiets, Denise Austin) all come to my email account.

Furthermore, I have my school stuff and my extra-curricular money-making-taking-surveys emails coming. I also don’t need for any man to know what my sister or mother forwarded ME before I do.

I have a thing for trust in a relationship. I am sure that most individuals do. But being all up in somebody’s business like that is not going to ensure trust. If anything, it’s going to make that person think you have issues. And if they are all in agreement with being “that” open, you should be on the lookout for control issues.

But, to each his/her own. It’s really none of my beeswax, just don’t try to justify it to me should I foolishly (and forgetfully) ask, “WTF?”

Why single people suck

2008-04-15T22:40:00.000-05:00

Are you married?

No? Well then I don’t want to work for you!!! And I don’t want to be in your class either. Why? Well, because. Because….

I have found in my work life as well as in my studies that married people with school age kids are the best to work for/have as instructors. Why? These people have too much LIFE going on to really be micromanaging assholes. Simple as that. If it comes down to riding my ass about some paperwork or going to Little Timmy’s little league game; you can bet those dude’s gonna go be with Little Timmy.

These are the folks who are going to be taking time off to take Little Timmy and Little Debbie to the dentist or missing work to take them to medical appointments or to attend school functions. I love dedicated parents. They are a joy to work for… except when they bring Timmy and Debbie’s germs to work and infest us all. Then they suck, too.

On the other hand, you have the bosses/professors who have no spouse or they are married, but have no kids or worse, they have grown kids who they think are overachieving superstars. (In reality, they are coked out losers, but we won’t tell.) These folks don’t have too much life going on outside of the office/classroom. They live to sit at the house and read every stinking word of your reports/papers. They come to work early and stay late. They are always thinking up new shit to make my life harder. I don’t like those folks. They stink like rotten.

I’m sure that one day I will turn into that single woman who has nothing more to do than feed my cats (I’m not a cat person... yet) and meticulously grade papers; scrutinizing every single semi-colon, apostrophe, and run-on sentence. Students are going to hate me. Subordinates will mock me. Yes, I’m headed down that slippery slope towards single, annoying personhood – with cats. LOL.

Live and Let Live, I Guess

2008-04-14T19:13:00.000-05:00

“Who would have thought that you could hurt me

The way you've done it?

So deliberate, so determined

You don't even know the meaning of the words I'm sorry

You said you would love me until you die

And as far as I know you're still alive

I’m starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman’s heart” – Illegal, Shakira

I thought Best Friend was in an abusive relationship. Now, I am sure of it. The thing is, it’s not your typical physical or verbal abuse, so I can’t say, “Hey, this dude is abusing you. Get out!!” I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s just like he’s subtly doing things that are eroding her self-esteem. But she doesn’t even see it. Because it’s soooo sugar-coated.

So, this was my weekend. Best Friend called me as I was walking into prom on Friday. I didn’t answer. My phone was on silent. Boy, am I glad I wasn’t able answer.

When I did get home, I didn’t check messages or anything. I just went to bed. It was so late. I also didn’t check messages before making my Saturday morning round of phone calls.

I called Best Friend and told her all about prom. She didn’t say a single word. She told me she needed to call me back. I didn’t realize that I hadn’t changed my phone volume from ‘silent’ to ‘vibe & ring’ so after a while, I thought “that heifer didn’t even call me right back”. I checked my phone to see that she HAD called me right back – several times in fact. So, I called her back and got voicemail. At this point, I checked MY voicemail. OH. MY. GOD.

It was horrible, to say the least. Crying and sobbing and hiccupping. It was just… horrible.

Apparently, Man decided that with his New Piece coming into town, and with his efforts towards getting Best Friend to dump him not working; he would just dump her (Best Friend.) Oh, but he didn’t do it in a friendly way. He accused her of cheating; called her every horrible name in the book (whore, bitch, stupid, pathetic, nothing; just to state a few.) This went on over the phone for a little while.

When she asked for proof of said infidelities, he could not produce any and hung up on her.

Earlier in the week, Man had given Best Friend reason to believe that he was cheating. So, Best Friend had one of her other friends call a number and inquire within. The girl who answered the phone said that she was Man’s “cousin” and that was that. Of course, his “cousin” called him, and he called Best Friend. Best Friend said that she didn’t call the girl – she didn’t. But Man told her that she was a liar, and that his “cousin” worked for the phone company and traced the call back to Best Friend’s phone. Ooooookay, NOW who’s the liar??? The friend who made the call lives in Texas. And made the call from a phone in Texas.

And you know what??? That lie was enough to get Best Friend to cave and admit, “I didn’t call, but Dawn did.” Okay, um, if you know that there is no way that what he said could be true, why would you cave? And why would you not say, “If YOU had not given me reason to think YOU were cheating that would never have happened!”?

I don’t get it.

So, Best Friend is all broken up over this. She feels horrible. Like it is HER fault this relationship is over.

I told her, he was looking for a way out. He was going to come up with ANYTHING to get out. He had another woman on the way home. A woman he would not be able to dismiss as easily as he dismisses Best Friend. He was backed into a corner. He doesn’t know that he only had to NOT call Best Friend on Friday. He had to offer her NOTHING by way of explanation. He could have spent the entire weekend with this other girl, and Best Friend would have only called me to complain all weekend. Never a word to him about his lack of attention. All would have been well – for him. But he couldn’t be bothered with that, I guess.

So, to add insult to injury, Man shows up at her place on Saturday morning to collect his belongings. Instead of talking to her in private, he decides to make a fool of her in front of all of her neighbors. He laughs at her while she sobs and tells her that she is pathetic and that he can – and will – find someone much better than her at any time. Because “women outnumber men in D.C.”

I asked her if he at any point said, “I thought you loved me.” She said, “No.” See that, to me, means that he never cared about the fact that she loves him. And he never really loved her. But I can’t make her see that.

He told her to NEVER call him again, and that she should expect to never hear from him again.

So, she crawled into her hole to die inside. Of course, we held a conference call. I let out all my deep, dark secrets about “the breakup”. All the lessons I have learned. How there were many times in the months that followed that I wanted to ask questions that I really had no desire to know the answers to. But I didn’t. How I am finally “over it” and moving on with life. At least she didn’t *waste* nearly 7 years of life with this guy, right?

I didn’t have to worry about trashing him and them getting back together. No, I started trashing him months ago. She knows how I feel about this behavior.

*****

So, let’s assume that something didn’t go quite according to plan with New Piece. Because when the night fell, he called. As if nothing had happened, he called. In his usual “I’ve spent the entire day doing things I enjoy WITHOUT you, but now it’s night time and I want to have sex” way. And she answered. Yes, folks, after the way he degraded her in front of the people she has to live in the same building with day in and day out, she answered the phone. She talked to him. And when he said, “I need to get off the phone, I’ll call you back,” she waited.

She said she wanted “answers” and she wanted them “face to face”. I said, “You’d be a fool to ask ‘how high’ when he says ‘jump’, but you’re going to. And when you do, he’s going to know that he can treat you like shit, and you’re all right with it.”

She said she wasn’t all right with it. I told her that if she went to his apartment, she was telling him LOUD AND CLEAR that she was all right with the shit treatment.

She went. She spent the night. He took her to an “expensive brunch”. He said he was sorry. All is forgiven.

And the next time he decides he wants a New Piece, he’s either going to just know that he can cheat on her and take that route. OR he’s going to hurt her even worse than this last time, and I fear that she will physically harm herself.

So, I need to know what a person goes through in childhood to make them lose ALL sense of self-esteem and self respect. I know that when I was younger – early 20s – I went through something similar. However, I saw things happening that I was not happy with, and *I* ended the relationship. But this will be the THIRD time that Best Friend has gone through the exact same thing. At what point do you learn a lesson? When do you realize that you are being used emotionally, physically, and financially?

And if your closest friend telling you these things isn’t enough of a warming sign, what does it take? Does it take the guy degrading you in public? Does it take him telling you that you were nothing more than a warm hole? Oh, wait, he did that. It takes more. But what is that??

I know that whatever happens from now on, Best Friend will not tell me anything negative about him. Because she should know me well enough to know that I am going to tell her that she is being a doormat. And that she should EXPECT the treatment that she gets. Maybe she will. Maybe she won’t.

Prom Night III: Sloppy Soundtrack/Awesome "After Party"

2008-04-12T22:47:00.000-05:00

Last night was my 3^rd prom. I was in high school for the first two.

I went because on Thursday, Mentor Teacher’s sister asked if I was going. I said, “I wasn’t invited.” They both assured me that was an oversight because I am considered a teacher and was definitely invited. Ooooookay. Well, by this point – the day before – I really didn’t want to go anymore.

So, while I was in Pregnant Math Teacher’s room getting a little rundown of things, Sub Susie comes in and tells me that she owes me an apology. For what? I ask. Well, to be honest I thought she was going to apologize for trying to steal MY math subbing job (LOL); but she has since been put in charge of the junior/senior banquet and had neglected to include me.

I told her it was all right. I didn’t want to be bothered anyway. Oh no, she insisted. I really did need to come. They had a place for me. Did I want chicken or steak? Well, free steak? Hmmm. Okay, put me down for steak. Cool. All is settled. As soon as she walked out the door, I decided I wasn’t going.

When I dropped in to see the guidance counselor, I told her my story. She insisted that I come to the banquet/prom so that she wasn’t the only black person there. Okay, okay. I would go. I have often been the only black at a few functions during my esteemed military career, so I know how much it can suck.

Anyway, getting dressed was a major hassle. None of my dress pants fit anymore. This is my fault for being a lazy, slob since I’ve been home. And it was quite the eye-opener. I’ve got to get back to being active. I ended up wearing some of the dress pants I bought when I went to Virginia back in November – thanks for stretch fabrics!

I left the house right before 6PM and arrived at the church right before 615PM. I sat in the car until someone I recognized arrived. One of the students arrived and went in – I was on the phone so I waited longer. Then, the guidance counselor arrived. She, I and one of the English teachers went in together.

As it turned out, the guidance counselor and I were not seated at the same table. I was seated next to Mentor Teacher with her sister and one of the SPED teachers. It was a nice table. The SPED teacher and I go all the way back to my 6^th grade year. Her son is graduating this year (valedictorian), and she is going to go empty nest crazy!!!

Dinner was pretty good. Steak. Good steak. HUGE steak. So, it was worth the drive just to get the free steak. Aside from the steak, there was nothing else – dinnerwise – to write home about.

The decorations were great – Hollywood Nights. And the senior tribute was nice.

When the banquet was over, we had to move the tables and chairs to make room for pictures and dancing. By the time I was done helping with that, the guidance counselor was gone!! That heifer left me. After we agreed to leave together. Great. Thanks. So, I was stuck without a getaway plan.

After pictures, the festivities began. They crowned the prom queen and king. I didn’t see that coming. It wasn’t the “most popular” kids. Cool. Cool. And then the music started. It was one of the kid’s dad. He was wearing Levis about 2 sizes too small and a cowboy hat. The first song was a slow, country song. I love country music. But mostly the old stuff from the 80s and early 90s. And mostly upbeat stuff. This dude played THREE slow, country songs in a row. What the f***??? This was a high school prom. Not a segregated senior citizens’ gathering.

I was camped out chatting with one of the student’s parents. We commented on the dresses (worst dressed shout out to junior, *LouLou* (sorry, but you were so wrong)); and the dancing skills. Some of those kids have about as much rhythm as a cockroach caught up in a puddle of Raid. Some of those girls are ready to work the pole though. Trouble, for sure.

As I was further planning my escape, my favorite teacher walked in. She was filming the party for the video yearbook. Dammit!!! I’m trapped until she leaves. I thought she would get some shots and call it quits. My plan was to “help her” get the equipment to her van and sneak out. No such luck.

I ended up dancing with one of the girls and one of the boys. I had to get my own music for the dance with the boy – something fast, no touching! I am glad that I danced with the students. One or two of the other teachers did as well, and they really get a kick out of it. Makes them realize that we’re human and not just homework Nazis.

When all that was said and done – about 1110ish PM, and I was helping favorite teacher take the equipment to her van; she said, “Let’s go to the drive through at McDonald’s!” I said, “Okay.” I figured, “Why not. I haven’t gotten to spend any time with my favorite teacher since I came home.” So, we hopped in her van, and drove up to my car. I drove my car to the school parking lot, and we went to favorite teacher’s house to pick up her daughter.

It was a great time. We got our milkshakes and went back to the school parking lot. We sat there for about 2.5 – 3 hours just talking about *stuff*. A lot of things got cleared up. I felt bad about making assumptions about things around the school when I should have just asked them in the first place. I got all the gossip cleared up. But most importantly, I had fun hanging out with two women I’ve loved a long time.

We made plans to have a slumber party after favorite teacher’s daughter and I take our PRAXIS exams in a couple of weeks. I’m looking forward to it.

I finally got home close to 3AM. I was exhausted. I didn’t check any voicemails or try to watch Ghost Whisperer (that I recorded). I just laid in bed.

I’m glad I went to the prom.

Stating the obvious

2008-04-08T00:48:00.000-05:00

My Little Monkey "states" now. The church had a "skate" party yesterday, and she insisted on having her own skates - they were the clip-on kind. They don't rent skates for toddler feet, I guess. She's only 2, ya know.

She was able to make her way around the rink a couple of times. And when she fell, she told my sister, "I got it by myself." She's only 2, ya know.

Today, when I asked, "What did you do yesterday?" She answered, "I states!"

This also made me think of "Baby Skates." "Here comes that pretty little show off, Baby Skates...." I don't remember the rest of the words. I remember wanting a Baby Skates for Christmas and NOT getting one. I think our next-door-neighbor got one that year. Baby Skates was not that impressive. Either we didn't have level ground, or Baby Skates was just crappy; because she never did "skate her ass off" around these parts.

I love the '80s.

One of those dreams

2008-04-06T22:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I woke up at 522AM because I was having one of those dreams that's so good that you find yourself smiling and laughing so hard in the dream that you are actually smiling and laughing.

So, what I remember is that I was cutting my fella's hair. In the dream, my fella was Troy Garity. I find this funny (both strange and ha ha) because every time I see him in a picture or on film, I wonder if he's mildly retarded. He just has that look about him. And I don't really think he's cute.

Anyway, I was cutting his hair - one strand at a time because I don't cut hair. The last time I attempted to cut a boyfriend's hair, he ended up shaving his head.

Anyway, as I'm laboring through this haircut, we start to kiss. And I am thinking, "Damn, he's a horrible kisser. But not the kind of horrible that can't be fixed. The kind of horrible that's probably just nervous."

It was like he was pressing his lips to mine just a little too hard, and I couldn't move my lips and explore his mouth the way I like. He was doing all the work, but kissing is a joint effort.

So, anyway, as we're kissing, he pulls away and says, "Your cheeks are amazing right now."

And I ask, "Which ones?"

He says, "The ones on your face."

And I burst out smiling and laughing, and that is how I woke myself up.

I love dreams with happy endings.

Pooped

2008-04-03T00:24:00.000-05:00

I am so tired today. I have no idea why. I have no energy at all. I had it all day, but now I am just drained.

Mentor Teacher was out sick today. That was all right. I like having the monsters to myself some days. I gave the quiz again in algebra II today. Can you believe those jokers did WORSE on the easy part than they did last week. No one knew the distance formula - we did THREE problems using the distance formula before the quiz. I see how much they pay attention.

I talked to Mr. KKK about my observation. It was really good. I don't know what to do/think about this man. Sometimes, I feel so intimidated, like he can't wait to get rid of me. Other days, I feel silly for feeling that way. Oh well. I still hasn't done the "tutorial" or the W-9. And my FPA told me that I cannot graduate till he does it. He's in an agreeable mood, so it might just work out for me... LOL.

I know that I am tired of spending breath on the Best Friend debacle. Today, I just told her that I am here to listen as much as and as long as she needs me, but I am no longer offering advice. I having nothing new to offer, so what is the point of repeating myself? There is nothing I can say to boost her confidence enough to get out of this.

Maybe that is part of the reason I'm so tired. And as soon as I'm done with Top Model (I tape it because it's on during church) I'm going to bed! I have to help Big Girl with her symmetry project tomorrow. I decided that it would be best to dig out my scrapbooking stuff tonight - despite the exhaustion - so that we can get on it tomorrow. And, if I don't have it ready for her tomorrow, she'll go to Wal-Mart and be soooo disappointed in me. As it is, I am NOT the favorite aunt. I'm not even the 2nd favorite aunt - and there are only two of us.... LOL.

I have a pretty easy day tomorrow, but I am going to get all the rest I can. Starting now!

Okay, hold up, Claire got put out of Top Model. I'm so glad. She gets on my nerves. Okay, starting now.

Only one more to go!

2008-04-01T23:39:00.000-05:00

I just got my grade for my last class. A!! I was a little disappointed that it was a 95, but whatever, right? I do have to go back over some of my papers and do some corrections - punctuation and "too short" paragraphs. I will be honest, I wrote all 4 of those papers the day before they were do. I just did not have the time to focus on that stuff with prepping lesson plans and making up quizzes and tests. But it all worked itself out.

Now, I am one hour from being finished with this program. I have 3 weeks of student teaching left. And this week is my last week in front of the students.

Mr. KKK came to observe me today - finally. It was not a great day. YESTERDAY in algebra II was a good day. I taught the whole class period. Today, I planned other stuff with the geometry classes that didn't involve me standing in front of them the whole period. Algebra II today would have been okay, but he "forgot."

I can't really blame him though. He's got issues at home. His daughter either has cancer - in her head - or a benign brain tumor of some sort. I hope she makes it out okay. When Mr. & Mrs. C's son died in December, he said they should just "move on" because he wasn't coming back. I don't see how a parent can say that in regards to another parent. I don't have kids, but I can't imagine losing one is something you can just "move on" from, no matter how much time passes.

Anyway...I finally feel like I'm at a resting point as far as school is concerned. I do believe that the worst is behind me. All that's left is "analyzing the data" and writing about my "feelings." How hard can that be? I do have some classroom observations to do, and I will get that done in the next 3 weeks.

I'm looking forward to being on vacation for a week or two. Unless they ask me to sub, then there is NO vacation for me. But it will all be all right. Just tired of school.

There is an interesting Barbara Walters's special on right now. "Live to be 150." I'd settle for 120. I've got to get back to exercising. This woman - a 76-year-old model just said she puts LARD on her face at night to keep in the moisture. Admittedly, she looks really good. There is hope yet.

I think I'm going to try for early sleep tonight. Another habit I should get into.

He's Just Not That Into You... Anymore

2008-03-31T01:10:00.000-05:00

So, last week, I said that Man would not behave for a good two weeks before he started treating Best Friend like crap - again. Well, what do you know? He wasn't in town for 3 days before the drama started.

The first day was ok. The second day was kinda ok. But by the third - weekend - this dude could not be bothered by the likes of his GIRLFRIEND. I mean, seriously. If you haven't seen your significant other for 6-8 weeks, should she - or he - have to beg you to spend time together?

I mean, am I the only one who sees this as an issue? Ok, good, I'm not alone.

For me, today's story was it. This jerk tells Best Friend that they are going to dinner together on Saturday evening. He goes to dinner with someone else. When Best Friend calls to inquire about dinner, he informs her that he's already eaten. Then later that night - after Best Friend had to beg to come over - he tells her that she should have joined him for dinner because the place had really good food.

Seriously, folks, was that incident coded? Was it in any way subtle? Am I the only one who noticed the virtual (actually, it was pretty literal, in a sense) bitch-slap??

Hey, I'm just checking.

See, I've been where she is. And, like most things in life, you don't really realize what is happening to you until AFTER the fact. So, here's what happening....

Man wants to break up with Best Friend. BUT he doesn't have the balls to do it. And it's probably not even so much that he doesn't have the balls, he just doesn't want a mess. So, he's treating her like shit thinking that any self-respecting, independent-minded woman would walk if she were being treated this way. Well, he picked the wrong girl this time... Or is she the right one?

Anyway, he's working very hard to get Best Friend to dump him. He wants to be able to use that against her in the event that she should seek reconciliation. I've been there. Bullet started treating me like crap, I hit the door. And in all that time, he wanted out, but he just didn't wanna be the "bad guy".

So, now I KNOW that this is where Best Friend is. And I tried to keep it to myself. But I just couldn't anymore. I just asked her if she enjoyed being shit on. She said no. I told her that she doesn't act like it.

She said that if this relationship didn't work out, she was going to give up on men. I told her that was a good idea. Because she is always so focused on having a man, she needs to focus on finding herself and meeting people for the sake of having friendships and not intimate relationships.

Boy, I just let it all out today. I guess because I got so mad. At him. And at her. He is treating her like crap, yet she is continually making excuses for his behavior. Isn't that a sign of abuse? There is definitely some mental abuse going on. Well, mind games at the very least.

I suppose I'm not scoring any best friend points. But I'd rather lose points that have some jerk-off make a fool of my best friend.

Georgie Porgie Puddin and Pie

2008-03-29T23:05:00.000-05:00

Have I mentioned my love for George Michael? It rivaled only by my love for Michael Jackson. As musicians, these men were at the top of their game. And to me, that is where they will stay. Personally, I will admit, they have both exhibited some freaky behavior in the past.

I remember hearing out of George's own mouth that he is gay. I was so utterly heartbroken - as if it even mattered to me. Oh the woes of being of fan.

So, the other night, George was on Eli Stone. I will tell you, there are 2 reasons that I will entertain watching a new Tv show: 1) It seems like a great concept for a show (i.e. Charmed, L&O: SVU) or 2) there is a hott guy in the show (i.e. Jake in Progress (love John Stamos), The Pretender (love Michael T. Weiss). Whether or not I continue to watch the shows is based on how good the show really is.

In the case of Eli Stone, my soul purpose for watching this show was George Michael. And I stayed with it because it was pretty good. So, for me, Thursday night was the icing on the Eli Stone cake.

So, how was George's performance? I don't care. It was George Michael. But I will say that his face was somewhat weird looking. You can tell he's had some plastic surgery and some recreational drug use. He's still handsome, but you can tell.

Now, he's doing a tour. Oh, I wish I could go. But he won't come anywhere close to Hicksville that is within a reasonable driving distance. Oh, well. Such is life.

Love isn't supposed to make you crazy, is it?

2008-03-24T00:37:00.000-05:00

"what will it take to make you love me?
well, you're not the first
you're not the last
you're not even the one
who loved me the best
but all I think about is you" ~ George Micheal, Hard Day

Best Friend is probably the most hopeless female on earth when it comes to men. I have no idea how to proceed anymore where her relationship is concerned. I mean, if she can't see that she is with a manipulative, half-assed guy who is only interested in exhibitionist sex; what exactly am I supposed to do?

How can a woman who is so together in all other aspects of life be so.... dumb?

I've given up.

She gave Man a piece of her mind yesterday. Now, she is raving about how "good" he is being. Of course, he's being good; he's been read his rights. And exactly how long is this "good" going to last? My guess: about 2 weeks. Then it'll be back to the same old complaints. I thought EVERY woman on earth knew that a man is always on his best behavior after he's been bitched out. She didn't bitch him out, but she did let him know that she was not happy.

Well, this will be two weeks without the exasperated and heartbreakingly (my heart) pathetic phone calls. We can be *normal* for a couple of weeks. Nah, who am I kidding? He won't last two weeks. He's coming back to town next weekend and has already made plans that don't include Best Friend.

I've been out of a relationship for almost a year now. And, much to Best Friend's and Good Friend's surprise - I have not committed suicide. And that has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with them. I don't even know how I came to be bestest of friends with two women who determine their worth by their relationship status. I don't do that.

If I'm in a good relationship with a good guy - great. If I'm not in a relationship, that's fine, too. I actually like ME. I'm pretty good company. I can take me out to eat. I can take me to the movies. I can take me anywhere and be pretty darned content with ME.

I don't understand serial monogamist. How do you jump from one relationship to the next to the next with no down time in between? Shouldn't you be sure you're over the last loser before taking on the new one? And maybe, just maybe, this constant man-hopping is the reason they can't really find a decent guy. Can't see the trees for the forest, maybe?

I don't know. To be honest, relationships aren't my best subject. I mean, when I'm with a great guy, I'm great in a relationship. And when I'm with a loser, I tend to bail. You know what they say.... "I can do bad all by myself." I try NOT to give advice, because if I knew how they worked, I'd have one, right? Hey, maybe that why she doesn't listen to me!!

Best Friend has said that if it doesn't work out with Man, then she will be single forever. I don't believe that for a minute. But whatever helps you sleep at night. My mom says I just have to stop giving advice; since she's not going to listen anyway. But I don't know that I can just sit back and say nothing. This is my Best Friend in the whole world.

I don't know.

Summer of '86

2008-03-24T00:14:00.000-05:00

Last evening, we - Middle Sister and I - had our Porky's marathon. Baby Sister wasn't interested in a stroll down Memory Lane. I suppose it would stand to reason. She probably doesn't remember those movies the way we do. I was 11 - 12 when Porky's Revenge come out on VHS. So, that made Middle Sister 10; and Baby Sister 8. So, I can see why she wasn't "feelin it".

I would venture to say we had not watched those movies since that last summer. Oddly, I remembered almost all of the dialogue. However, I couldn't remember my crush's name. I guess I wasn't crushing that badly, huh? Anyway, it's Billy McCarty. And whatever happened to all those actors from that movie anyway?? I guess they are all insurance agents or car salesmen because they aren't actors anymore.

Anyway, almost 6 hours and a fun night with one of my favorite sisters. We laughed a lot. I was hoping those movies were as funny as I once thought they were.

I had a conversation with Best Friend about these movies. First off, she has never heard of Porky's. When I was watching the first Porky's movie, she was barely out of diapers. Yeah. Sad, huh.

Then, I talked to Kisses. He was graduating high school when I was watching the first movie. It made him feel old. But really, he's not that much older than I am. Of course, it seems weird if you say, "I was in elementary school when you were a senior." But if you say, "I'm 33, you're 42", that' s not that big of an age difference.

I've decided that the next *nostalgia* movie I'm going to get for my sister is "Strange Brew". THAT is a funny movie, eh? I just hope it's as funny as I remember it. Because I'm running out of movie ideas. Guess it doesn't help that we watched the same movies over and over and over and over every summer. LOL.

Well, the second season of The Pretender is up on hulu.com. I've got sleep to miss!

Skittles

2008-03-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

I love red Skittles. Who doesn't? I mean, really, they are the fruitiest flavor of all. So yummy.

So, I will usually buy a huge bag of Skittles; eat all the red ones; and give the rest to Big Monkey and Little Monkey. My sisters are on the fact that there are no red Skittles in the bag. But Big Monkey doesn't quite get it. He thinks I should take this up with Wal-Mart. How can they possibly seel me a big 'ol bag of Skittles with not one red Skittle in there?

Of course, Middle Sister looks at me like I'm the biggest criminal in the world when he inquires about that. Well, until they sell red Skittles only, I gotta do what I gotta do.

While I'm on the topic of Skittles, I love the new "chocolate Skittles" commercial. I'm not one to watch a commercial, but this one is so funny - to me. I mean, the man is a pinata. It's MUCH funnier than the guy who turns everything he touches to Skittles. It's like we get to see what a pinata is thinking when it's hanging up at some kid's party about to be popped open. And the one in the commercial seems to be on crutches, like someone has already whacked it.

However, the idea of a chocolate Skittle is NOT appealing to me. There are limits.

Recurrent dreams and irrational phobias

2008-03-23T14:08:00.000-05:00

I have a recurrent dream that I've been having for YEARS. Recently, it's changed scenery, but it's still the same dream - my brakes don't work.

The original dream, I would be backing up - trying to parallel park - and my brakes would not work. Right when I was about to hit the car behind me, I'd stop. Phew!!

Now, the new dream involves me driving the street. I see something in the road. I have plenty of time to miss it. But my brakes don't work. So, I swerve. In this dream, I crash into a house.

Bullet once said that the dream meant that I felt as if I didn't have control over my own life. The dream dictionary says:

Brakes are a warning dream, and more so if you dream that you braked a vehicle and the brakes failed. Failing brakes are a warning not to accept a new offer that you have just been presented with, as there are well hidden snags that can harm more that help. The action of braking itself is an idiom telling you to 'put the brakes on', whether it is business or love, or even some impetuous act that could cause you legal trouble. You should also check your brakes on your personal vehicle.

Hmmmm, I know my brakes are okay on my car. I just had that stuff worked on a couple of weeks ago. Maybe that's when the dream stopped. I don't remember. We'll see what else I can remember.

Iophobia - the fear of.....

RUST.

Yes, I am freaked out by rust. I think that rust eats people. No, I've never seen anybody eaten by rust, but I really think that is what happens when you get too close to something that has rusted. Oh, being on a ship was one of the most terrifying things I could imagine. You know, they make you paint over the rust. I didn't want to be that close to so much rust. I've never been bitten by rust, but why take chances???

My other "irrational" phobia is agoraphobia. Yes, I originally thought it was hydrophobia. But I don't have a fear of water. I love water. I love bathing. I love showering. I love drinking water. I even love swimming. What I DON'T love is open water - you know: seas, oceans, whatnot. I like to know the dimensions of my swimming area. If I'm in an Olympic-sized pool, that's cool because I can see the edges. And I can swim to them. Whereas, in the open water, if you stop swimming, you still keep moving/drifting. Uh uh. Homegirl don't wanna play that.

why the CW sucks

2008-03-23T01:48:00.000-05:00

Because it's "March Madness". And as much as I love college basketball, I'd much rather see my shows at their regularly scheduled times than wait for a basketball game to be over.

Plus, I can't really set my VCR because the game could end early - then I'd miss the end of the show. Or the game could go into overtime, and I'd miss the end of the show. It's a no win situation. I could miss the end of the show unless the game ends right at 11PM. Wouldn't you know, the game went into overtime. And alma mater LOST by 1 - yes ONE - point. How utterly disappointing. Seriously. I'd much rather have the crap stomped out of me than to play so hard to lose by one point.

So, I got my Smallville at 11:42. So far, so good. It opens with an old character, and I am immediately pissed. I was promised a new episode. I stayed up for a new episode. Why are they showing me an old, old, old episode??? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is not an old episode. I see TWO of the new characters. What? You mean Pete is back? Well, blow me down.

The only black character, who seemed to have been abruptly written off, is back? And wouldn't you know it; he's now a meteor-freak. 1 point for brining Pete back for a minute. Minus 2 points for the UNoriginality of making him a mutant.

One thing that I really despise about television is how some - not all - shows treat us (the loyal viewer) like we are idiots. Like, Clark and Pete are BFFs, and Pete moves to another town - in the same damn state - and they don't keep in touch??? Okay, whatever.

On Charmed, they had legal issues, but we just thought it was so crappy that they could bring everybody back from the afterlife for a visit, but not Prue. Okay, Shannen Dougherty was a bitch about the rights and stuff. So, I'll forgive that, but I don't think she owned the character. I would have just hired somebody different for that. Okay, maybe not, that would have pissed me off, too. Why did she have to be such a bitch?

Well, as much as I enjoy Tv, I don't think I'm going to miss it too much. It's all going downhill anyway.

(I was going to post this on 3/13... but I lost my train of thought that day)

What's in a name?

2008-03-22T00:53:00.000-05:00

You can go here and type in your first and middle names. It will tell you the "hidden meaning" in your name. I think it's pretty cool. Not sure why I was curious about the "meaning" of my name, but I was.

So, here is what it said about me:

"Sensitive, emotional and caring you seek peace and harmony and desire to work for the benefit of others and society (Peace Corps?). Your talents and abilities may draw you towards teaching (hello, I'm student teaching right now) or service occupations (military) where you would be a natural success. Although quite reserved (yep, that's me) your courage and ideals mean that you are single-minded (me, again) and industrious in pursuit of your goals. Your affectionate and giving nature means that you are loved by all (here's hoping anyways!)."

"Honest, dependable and practical you tend to have a fairly conservative but determined approach to life. Your intelligence and wisdom means that you are sought out for guidance and advice. Gifted in communication you are philosophical and intuitive and are usually a traveler both mentally and physically. People respect you for your patience, discretion and integrity.

Charming, witty, original and idealistic you have a creative and inventive mind with great intuition. Your broad vision, perceptive powers and compassion gives you an instinctive understanding of peoples needs. You are a natural leader who has a talent for inspiring and teaching others and always display fairness, honesty and integrity. You are always seeking a new challenge for your vast creative potential."

What does it say about you?

Happy Birthday, Sam Tapp

2008-03-14T01:48:00.000-05:00

Today is my sister's birthday. I have to admit, I like her birthday. Because? Well, because she is the one person I can shop for who I know will be pleased with her gift. Of course, it wasn't always this way. But one day I realized that me and Sam (her nickname) have one thing in common - we LOVE the old movies from the 80s that we used to spend our summers watching over and over as long as they played on HBO or until we wore out a VHS tape.

I came to this realization of "the perfect gift" a couple of years ago. And started her collection with "Midnight Madness." We used to watch that movie every time it came on. I don't know whether or not it was a theatrical release. We don't have a theater in Hicksville, and the movie just seemed to show up on HBO every summer starting in 1983 or 84. I'm compelled to believe it was 1983 because that was the summer we fell in love with "Eddie and the Cruiser", and were terrified by "Poltergeist". I think anyway.

1983 was also the year we were introduced to "Porky's". My sister LOVES all of the "Porky's" movies. And up until late last year, only the first "Porky's" movie was available on DVD. Of course, I got that one for her either last year or the year before. Must have been the year before, because I had hoped "Porky's II: The Next Day" would be available for last year's birthday - it was not.

Well, as luck would have it, all three "Porky's" were finally available. And a couple of weeks ago, they were on sale on Amazon - all 3 for $14.99!! So, of course, I got 'em.

I knew that my sister was expecting DVDs for her birthday. But I tried to get her something else (a Winnie the Pooh watch to replace the one that was broken; but they are hard to come by these days unless you order it online somewhere) as a decoy gift.

Anyway, my sister was thrilled with her gift. She was hoping for it, in fact. So, on Saturday, we will have our "flashback to our favorite summers" movie day and watch "Porky's", "Porky's II: The Next Day", and "Porky's Revenge". I look forward to the stroll back in time.

** movies I've bought for my sister so far (that I can think of...)
- Midnight Madness - the ultimate scavenger hunt movie; Michael J. Fox's first movie
- Rappin' - Mario Van Peebles, Eriq La Salle, and Kadeem Hardison rapping like it's cool - it was
- Eddie and the Cruisers - "the" movie that defined summer for us

**movies I plan to buy for my sister
- Gymkata - she really liked the guy in this movie
- 10 to Midnight - our favorite Charles Bronson film
- A Nightmare on Elm Street - the first movie we ever saw on a VCR

Spring Broke

2008-03-11T20:08:00.000-05:00

Last week was pretty not-exciting.

I was teaching 7th period geometry to start the week. I think I was doing pretty well. Mentor Teacher took off for Monday, so I had all the classes. We had tests in all the classes on Thursday.

We made a couple of mistakes with this testing. The first mistake was deviating from the regularly scheduled test review on Wednesday in both the geometry classes. The kids didn't have a chance - during class - to ask the questions they needed to ask: Lessons 1-3. And it showed on the tests.

The second mistake was allowing 7th period geometry to ask questions right before the test. Therefore, getting a late start. Then allowing them to finish the test THE NEXT DAY. I really didn't think it was fair that they were able to do that. If I had not started grading the 1st period geometry tests, I would have said "let's give them theirs back, too." But it was too late.

7th period DIDN'T do any better having the advantage of seeing the test and having another night to study. Oh, did I mention that the test was open-book? Yeah. My niece failed the test, too. She didn't come over to study like I begged her to the night before. She said she had it under control. She only failed by one question. Luckily, Mentor Teacher gave bonus points for turning in review. So, she ended up with a D.

I don't know how I feel about giving every class a test on a Thursday. I might do it on a Friday. That way I have the weekend to get everything graded. But not on a day when they have to come back the next day. And since it was right before spring break, everyone wanted to know their grade. Some kids' vacation depended on it. And no, he did not pass the test.

I did get to start a new lesson in algebra II on Friday. I didn't prep for it the night before. My focus was totally gone. I did prep for it before I taught it though. And when I came home on Friday, I did some research online and found even easier ways to do it. So, I will ask Mentor Teacher if I can also show them the easier ways to do it. As long as they know they also need to know the way the book teaches it.

Of course, when I'm in my own classroom, I'll say, "screw the textbook!!" Because, honestly, there has been a lot of stuff NOT in the textbook that me and Mentor Teacher have found on the net. So, no harm in knowing the quickest way. Especially for math competitions.

Last week was cheerleader tryouts. It's funny in a small town. We're a 1A school. So, we only have so many students in the first place. Then, we only have so many girls interested in cheerleading. This year, there were 14 girls trying out for high school squad - 12 selected. And there were 13 trying out for jr high squad - 10 selected.

Tuesday through Thursday, they learned the tryout routine and had a chance to practice. Friday was the tryouts. There was one girl I did not think would make it. She didn't seem to have a lot of coordination. But she did have enthusiasm. And I guess that counts for a lot in cheerleading. And one girl who was a cheerleader last year, did not make it this year. Hurt feelings.

The whole cheerleader tryout experience made me think of people who live through their kids. There was a girl who tried out. She was really the star of the show. She's got the moves, she's got the gymnastics, she's just got it all. Well, she's not what I would call "cute." She's really plain looking with little beady eyes. But that aside, she's "the" cheerleader package. I wonder if her mother (a classmate of mine who DIDN'T make the cheer squad) is trying to make this girl out to be all the things she wasn't?? There are a couple of girl, actually, whose mothers wanted to be cheerleaders and didn't make it who tried out this year. Some are cheerleaders. I suppose their mommies are sooooo proud. Please, God, don't let me do that to my kids.

Tryouts were almost canceled though. We got weather on Friday. Can you stand it? It was all good though. What better way to start spring break than with snow... in the deep south? So, we had to move up cheer tryouts. By the time it was all over, there was a thin layer of snow on the windshields. I did not let that stop me from going to town. I needed a little sugar for the weekend.

We did wake up to a snow-covered landscape on Saturday. I did absolutely nothing on Saturday. That is what Saturdays are for - for me anyway. I was supposed to tutor, but they canceled. Thank the Lord.

Sunday, I did tutor after church. I came home and dropped my car with Big Brother. They finished with my car yesterday. I had to get it aligned today. I was going to visit Chef, but I don't have time to go there and be back for church tomorrow without feeling like I totally wasted gas. So, that trip is postponed.

At the place for the alignment, the man was trying sooooo hard to get me to come back tomorrow. I told him I would just wait as long as it took. If he really wanted me to reschedule that badly, he would have been talking reduced price services. I was surprised that it was only $43 though. I am usually out nearly $70 because it's an SUV and it's AWD. So, I've been ripped off in the past... LOL.

Oh, I ran into a classmate at Wal-Mart today. Homecoming/Prom Queen. She is still the same. Always was a sweet girl. Of all the people I've run into since I've been back to Hicksville, she is the one I will definitely call to hang out with before I go. She's an accountant at a school now. One child. I guess that's all she wants.

So, that is what's been up with me. I did run into my old science teacher at the garage. I did not say anything to him though. We were never chummy. So, no point.

So far, spring break is not going as I hoped, but definitely as I expected - me and kids that aren't mine. Oh, well. I think tomorrow I'll take the kids to visit MawMaw. We haven't been in a while. And I'm supposed to be better at visiting my grandmother than my sisters. But geez, I DON'T want to see annoying-ass Uncle Dan!

Happy Birthday, Little Monkey

2008-03-11T00:56:00.000-05:00

My Little Monkey is 2 today. I don't think she will get much more terrible than she already is. We had a small party here at the house. Her "blowout" will be Saturday. I know my sister didn't want to do a party. But I gave her the guilt trip. Big Monkey had SIX big parties before she down-sized the party experience with him. And by God, Little Monkey will get her 6 blowouts.

I got Little Monkey a CAT dump truck and a bra. I know, she's only 2, but she is utterly fascinated with brassieres. So, I got her one. Can you believe that you can find them to fit a 2-year-old? She does not want to take it off. At least now she will leave mine alone.

It is amazing how much she has changed in a year. She used to have a chubbier face. Now she is just big feet and lots of teeth.

Happy Birthday, Toccara.

blah blah blah....

2008-03-04T00:41:00.000-06:00

Weekends are beginning to stink! I tried very hard to stay up past midnight on Friday - no dice. I don't even think I made it to Jay Leno. Which I really wanted to see on Friday because someone from some show.... oh, yeah, it was Patricia Arquette from Medium .... was gonna be on and I really wanted to see that interview. Oh well, I can always catch it online. For a few days/weeks anyways.

So, since I was asleep right around 10PM, I was wide awake at 5AM on Saturday. It's like my own body is against me. I can't believe I'm incapable of sleeping in these days. What is up with that?

I took Saturday for just a lazy day. Since Sunday had commitments, there was no need to ruin Saturday. Well, I did go to Wal-Mart.

So, Saturday night was yet another attempt to stay up late. Again, no such luck. And again, on Sunday morning - wide awake at 5AM. No worries though. Places to go.

Church was good. He talked about not walking out on God. And also about being thoughtful of God. Instead of always asking for this, that, and the other to just take a little time to wish God good tidings. Interesting.

Ironically, I had no problem staying up well past my bedtime last night. Of course not. I did manage to sleep fairly well. I was studying how to find the length of chords, secant and tangent segments. Pretty easy stuff.

I find it interesting that the class I've never had is the one I'm best at teaching. I suppose it's because I'm learning right along with the kids.

I had the classroom to myself today. It went pretty well until I realized I had NO idea what we were doing in algebra II. I was working with gallbladder-girl on Friday and totally zoned out on assignments. Luckily, it was something I was able to look at for a minute and pick up on. But I hated the feeling of being up there in front of those kids with no clue. So NOT attractive in a teacher.

I got my mid-term eval paperwork submitted. I had to go up to the office to visit Mr. KKK. I will be honest, we have had a *strained* working relationship. I try to avoid him. He does the same. We work well that way. I doubt I will get any calls to sub once I exit that place end of April. He still had not set up his TaskStream account, so I left a message. Oh, he was out of the office. I found that odd since the reason I went to the office at that time was because he had JUST been on the intercomm. He moves fast.

So, that is all done. I hope I don't have to "remind" him to do it. I will get Mentor Teacher to do that for me.

7th period was just a mess today. They "forgot" how to do the work. Then they would just not be still. I know who the culprits were. They will have a few days of detention. There are kids in there who want to learn, and there are those who are there because they are forced to be (by their parents.) I'm not going to worry too much about it though.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the unemployment folk. I am really hoping it goes smoothly. I really don't want to have to get a job after school hours, but I'm more than willing to find something after my student teaching is done.

I really hate to rush time, but I cannot wait for the fall to get here.

I almost forgot..... I'm so fat now that I HAVE to be on a diet. The crazy thing is that all my clothes still fit. I've gained all the weight in my hips. And, it's really NOT a good look since my boobs are still the same size. I've really got to buckle down and commit. I haven't weighed this much since 1995, and I am really not digging it. I can't get fat before I have a baby. It does not bode well for the post-baby body.

Crippled Camel

2008-02-29T21:46:00.000-06:00

I am the type of person who will go out of my way for those I care for enough to call family or friend. I believe that when you have that strong a connection with someone, that is just what you do. You help each other out.

I don’t keep score. I don’t ask for payback. I never say “you owe me for this one” or anything of that sort. If I do something for you, it’s out of the ~~dumbass need to please people place~~ goodness of my heart.

Well, today was just not a good day for me. It all started last night with the internet fiasco. I have since gone on to let Hicksville Video Cable know how ABUSIVE it was for them to disconnect my service on a first-time offense without even contacting me to see if I was aware of said offense.

Apparently, between the hours of 12AM and 5PM, there was so much traffic from my IP that they HAD to shut me down. Well, let me see here. From 12AM – about 0645, I was asleep. I was online from about 0645 – 0710. Then, I was at school all day from then until I got home around 4:15PM. So, my mom has not been online in the past 3 days. So, where did all this traffic come from?

Well, I do have a router. And it wasn’t secure. It is now. And that is probably going to be part of my problem, but whatever. I just don’t see how you have a customer SUDDENLY going from nearly NO traffic to enough traffic to alert you and you don’t call. How many customers are they servicing? The computer literate population of this town is probably only 1/5 of the population. And of that 1/5, I am pretty sure only about ¾ are getting their service from Hicksville Video Cable. (Many go through BellSouth.)

So, that had me in a bad mood. As well as the fact that Amazon is trying to steal my $125 from me. I am not going to let that go. Nope, not at all. Nor am I going to let that lame ass excuse they have given me fly.

So, what was the straw that broke the camel’s back? Well, after all this stress. I was getting ready this morning and not focused. I usually wear my hair pulled back with a headband. Without the headband, I look… incomplete, older, unframed. Yes, that is it. The headband frames my face and makes me cute(r.) LOL.

So, since I always wear the headband, I just pull my hair back, clip it, and go. Well, I don’t comb it or brush it except with my fingers. Well, I forgot my headband. And I feel so nappy!!!

Well, I called Big Girl to see if she had a headband I could borrow that she could bring to me – no. I called my mom and told her that I would send Big Girl to pick up a headband for me. Since it IS on her way to school. A 4 minute delay – at most. So then, I call Big Girl back and ask if she can pick up my headband – if she has time (you know, those 4 minutes.) And she tells me, “No, I really don’t…………..(that’s her long ass pause) because…” And I just cut her off. Thanked her for her time. And hung up.

And then, I was incensed. How, after all that I have done – and do – for her could she do this to me? FOUR minutes. Four minutes. Do you know how many minutes it takes ME to sign her up for the ACT? Do you know how many minutes it takes for ME to help her prepare? Do you know how many minutes her parents put into all this??? NONE!!!

So then I had to call my mom back. Because she is the type of person who will say, “I waited and waited, and she didn’t show up. Why didn’t you tell me she wasn’t coming?” Even though common sense would tell a normal person that if she has not come and it’s past 1^st bell at school, she’s not coming.

So, this is why I will be glad to be gone. I am tired of giving and giving and giving and the few times (yes, I can count them on ONE hand) that I ask anyone in my FAMILY (yeah, the blood relations) to do anything for me, there is always an excuse. I have the most ungrateful family on earth.

*Note: I'm over it. I just needed to vent earlier.

The rest of YESTERDAY

2008-02-29T21:44:00.000-06:00

NOTE: I didn't get to post this yesterday, because I didn't have internet....

I am too pissed off!! As I was trying to settle my dispute with Amazon.com, via email – apparently, my account has been closed (with a $125 gift certificate balance) – Hicksville Video Cable decided to shut off my internet. I was not sure what the deal was. So, I called tech support. After 30 minutes on the phone, I was told that the “local office” disconnected me due to “bandwidth issues.” I really have been in a declining mood today. I’m just trying to think positively.

So, I called Big Brother to see if (1) this crap was legit – he confirmed that it was. Apparently, if you are using too much bandwidth, they believe you are doing something illegal. Um, no. I just watch a lot of Tv online. I go to NBC.com, ABC.com, hulu.com, CBS.com, etc. Basically, any network that has one of my shows, I go there to watch it when I can’t be bothered to watch it when it airs. And for (2) I need to get on the internet, so I was hoping he was home. He’s not. So, I will have to wait for my SisterinLaw to get off work and then go there. I could go to her job and get their key, but it’s just the internet… NOT that serious.

All I do know is that I’ve got some unkind words for Hicksville Video Cable in the morning. I was going to research secant lines online tonight. Now, I’m not. I’ll have to scramble in the morning. But you can best believe when I get hold of them, if they don’t revise the crappy “rules” paperwork they give people, I am going to continue to raise cane about them trying to change my “contract” after the fact.

Now they have completely screwed up my internet connection, and they want to blame me.

*************************

Up until the last bell rang, it was a pretty good day – aside from all the poop hitting the fan. I had my first teaching experience in front of another teacher. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great. I had to be teaching a lesson with a million and one questions. Of all days. But Mentor Teacher wasn’t eagle-eyeing me or anything. When I did ask for assistance, she was like, “oh, what?” She was reading an article. Which brings me to what WAS going to be my topic today.

The reason why I’m moving out of the country to work for less than $200 a month living in a 3^rd world country with the possibility of no electricity or running water. “[Americans are] the most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don’t have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.” (Jay Leno) Yes, that about sums us up.

I am not unpatriotic by any means. From July 27, 1992 to September 29, 2007, the United States military was my ONLY way of life. I didn’t have to go. I volunteered. I even enjoyed it a majority of the time. But saying that I’m “proud” to be an American might be a stretch for me. I am GRATEFUL to be an American. I’ve seen real poverty. I’ve seen countries without a stable government. It ain’t pretty. And I wouldn’t want to be born into it. I am very GRATEFUL that I was born in America.

Because even though I think I had a rough time growing up, at least I was allowed to go to school every day instead of having to stand out on the street begging strangers for dollars or selling whatever crap was “in” at the time just trying to make a dollar. I never had to go to sleep hungry or dirty. I didn’t have to worry about whether or not my mother would be there when I woke up or got home from school because she was either dead from a curable disease that we just didn’t have the funds to buy medicine for or from abandoning me in hopes of giving me a better chance in life. I’ve seen kids who live this life. It’s heartbreaking.

So, that is why I am joining the Peace Corps. I want to be around people who can find the good in a bad situation. People who see waking up and being able to get up as a blessing. I have grown tired of people who complain because they have the breath to do so. I have grown tired of people who must have drama to function.

And I won’t have to deal with Hicksville Video Cable.

The Quest for Peace... um, Inner Peace

2008-02-28T01:59:00.000-06:00

They can’t believe I gave them detention. They didn’t even do anything. Why am I being so mean? Yes, those were the comments from the boys who spent their break inside today. Sorry, little Charlies, but you mess with the bull, and you get the horns.

Two of the boys I sent to detention didn’t go. Apparently, your name stays on the list until you go to the detention room and have it removed. But if you never do, no one comes looking for you. I declare. The “rules” at this school are driving me crazy. I know it’s not just this school, and that scares me.

I got an email from Fella today. It was a mass forward, of course. How do you tell someone to take you off their joke list? It’s the only communication we have. Like I said, he’s strictly entertainment now. But if he emails me some “hey there, stranger” bs; I’m going to read him his rights – via email.

I do however have a pretty strong dialogue going with B*. I am totally not holding a stressful job and 8-year-old twins against him. I like talking with him. And something has happened to make him a lot more attentive. I don’t believe it was the change in jobs. Because, when you are interested in someone, you make an effort to keep in touch. Whatever it was/is, I’m not going to question it.

Best Buddy has asked me to be godmother to her little angel. I am so honored. The downside is that the baptism might be the weekend I’ve already committed to go to Chicago with Chef. I am hoping that it’s at a time when I can go, but I know it’s not up to me. This will be my second godchild. And I’m sure I’ll be godmother to all of Best Friend’s children. I love loving my friends’ babies.

We are studying “peace” in bible study. I really like it. We are talking about how you have to have peace with yourself, God and other people in order to be right and content. I am at peace with myself – finally. And I am at peace with God. He’s been VERY good to me. I have no complaints. Other people, well, that’s a whole other story. I’m working on it.

I got my paperwork from the VA today. I am officially a “disabled veteran”. Okay, not really, but enough to have a slight edge when applying for federal jobs; which, by the way, I’ll probably never do. I got a 10% rating. That is all I prayed for, so I can’t complain.

When I went to church tonight (early) to tutor, Brother David gave me money for gas. I was not charging for tutoring his son because I am at church on Sundays and Wednesdays anyway, so it’s not like I was going out of my way. But it was a good show of Christian attitude on his part. And that is what I appreciate most. I don’t really know why he thinks his son needs tutoring. That kid is on point with that stuff. Maybe he just wants some extra attention. And I don’t know what we are learning at Hicksville Jr High, but that kid is learning in 7^th grade at Other Hicksville Jr High what we are teaching in geometry and algebra II. So, we are a little bit behind.

They have that leg master thingamajig in our church gym. Can you say “ouch sore coochie bones”? I swear. Do I really want to *try* to get rid of these inner thighs that bad? I guess so. I’m going to take my workout gear to church on Sundays and Wednesdays. Try to at least get a little thigh workout in.

Well, it’s already Golden Girls (midnight) and I have to finish prepping to teach inscribed angles tomorrow.

"Rewards and punishments are the lowest form of education" ~ Chuang-Tzu

2008-02-27T00:46:00.000-06:00

So, I was asked to sub again today. This time, for a math teacher. I suppose I should have seen this coming. Seem Mr. KKK has been doing the things he needs to be doing in order to get my paperwork done for my mid-term evaluation next week. He was buttering me and Mentor Teacher up to ask this "favor."

I was okay with it. It was math classes all day. And even if she didn't have anything for them to do, I could wing math classes. As luck - and policy - would have it, Mrs. C was prepared. Great.

I am familiar with most of her students from subbing in Other Pregnant Teacher's room. And I knew that today would be trying, at best. 1st period wasn't that bad. I don't know whether or not Mrs. C lets them play solitaire when they're done with worksheets - but I do not. And now that I think of it, those two girls didn't bring their worksheets back to me. Oh, well. Their grade, not mine.

2nd period was a bunch of 8th grade girls. Boy are they wild. And they have such small bladders. An entire 20 minute break before class, yet they all have to go to the restroom as class is starting. Always something.

One of the girls suggested I "threaten them" with detention. That is what Mrs. C does. Well, I'm not about threats. And I really don't like negative reinforcement. However, if I say "detention," you can best believe, you're going to detention.

The same girl comes up and says, "I feel sorry for you Miss C."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you have to deal with kids like us all day."

"Don't feel sorry for me, " I replied. "I know my 8th grade math."

That pretty much ended the conversation. I know. Shame on me. I don't remember being that clueless in 8th grade. And those chicks think they're going to algebra next year? They might wanna stick to transitional algebra (algebra lite).

3rd period wasn't that big a deal. I can barely remember them. That's a good sign for them, right?

4th period, however, was a different story. Those boys came in full of testosterone and hell. I had to quiet them down 57 million times. Finally, I just said, "here are the rules: You will not touch each other unless you are boyfriend and boyfriend. And if that is the case, save it till after school. You need to assume that you all have detention. From this moment on, you are working to get out of detention....." I gave them their worksheets. It wasn't shaping up well.

Then, I was notified that I was to take them to lunch. I didn't think about that. I'm used to the high school schedule - lunch at 5th period. But that was okay. I told them we were going to lunch at 1120 and we would be returning at 1145. They grumbled, but I really don't think 1/2 of them could add/subtract time to really know anything. Especially since they were all ready to go well before 1145.

I had to send two of those jokers to the office. They got 2 licks each. They just kept hitting each other. Drove me crazy. I really just try to make sure I'm not raising my voice. I don't like when teachers or parents or anyone raises the voice with irritation, frustration, or anger in it.

I did send the majority of that class for detention. They'll be staying in tomorrow at break. Next time I sub for them, I'll give them 3 days. I hope that they know that I mean business. If they do, I'll give everyone detention from now on.

The rest of the day wasn't that bad. I did end up sending a couple of fellas from 6th period to detention - they kept touching each other despite my gay-love speech. And one of the boys was listed as an 11th grader - in the 8th grade math class. I think he acts just a little too smug and attitude-y to be in this class. He needs to clean it up and move on out.

The last period of the day was way too many young boys. And then I had to leave them for a few minutes to go get my nephew's homework assignments from his teacher - who is also his bus driver. The bell had rang before I got back. Mrs. C's daughter came to get all the assignments. I went back to my own room.

Mentor Teacher has made up my teaching schedule. I start on Thursday! She is going to take off on Monday to work on her National Board stuff. It's due by the end of March. I am hoping that I will get a lot of time to myself in the classroom since she will be working on that - or she needs to be.

All in all, it was a good day. If I am going to get paid on a teacher schedule (and I fear that I am) I hope it's this week. I could use the $$$. It'll be my spring break money. For my big trip to Chef's house. Okay, I'm being sarcastic, I can get to Chef's house on 1/2 a tank of gas. But that is my big spring break plans. I'll use the money to pay Big Brother for my car repairs. And I'll use some of it to pay rent. Rent is due on Saturday.

Well, it's sort of snowing outside now. It never sticks, so I'm not going to get my hopes up and stay up late or anything. I know how "snow" works in the deep south. Riiiiiight.

I just hope Mrs. C is back tomorrow. I don't want her kids. I have to prep for my own teaching on Thursday.

Oh, what I've learned from today; well, not just today, but over the past few months. Kids are fickle. They will love you today; hate you tomorrow; and love you all over again the next day. You can't give in. And trying to be *that* teacher that all the students love WILL be your downfall. If all the students love you, something is up.

"I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was"

2008-02-26T00:24:00.000-06:00

"Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others."

I spent 6 years and 8 months with a fella who I thought would "grow up," "get responsible," "CHANGE for the better" one of these days. What I didn't know then (that I do know now) is that you can't change other people. Heck, you can't even change yourself unless you really want it.

My entire life I've been dealing with people I had hoped would change. And now, at this point in my life - fairly late, I'd say - I am realizing it's never going to happen. Ever. If I want change, I've got to work on myself.

Change is scary, I suppose. Not knowing what will happen can make you hesitant. I have always embraced change. It's one of the reasons I joined the military. I never wanted to be in the same place for too long. I still don't.

However, moving around is not going to be conducive to being a teacher or a mother. You have to stay in a state for 25 years in order to retire as a teacher. I suppose I could move around within a state, but how many states have that many desirable areas? And most kids don't want to move around every 3 or 4 years. They want to settle and have lifelong friends.

I'm sitting in the house that I've lived in since I was 6 months old. Talk about boring! It breaks my heart that my siblings have barely been out of this state, let alone out of the country. And they seem to be so content. I don't know, I refuse to believe they're happy with the way things are for them. But it's what they've wanted. They had no desire whatsoever to leave Hicksville.

Well, what I tell my students is this: as long as you've got a home to come back to, never be afraid to venture out and spread your wings. I know that knowing I will always have a home has given me the freedom to do things that may or may not work out in the end. I also know that not everyone has the luxury of having a home and a family that will always take them back.

I've changed a lot just in the last few years. I'm changing as I type. Change is the only constant thing in my life. And I have much more change coming in the next few months.

I hope that all of my changes are for the better. That they make me a better, happier, more productive person.

Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude

2008-02-25T00:28:00.000-06:00

I'm in a spiritual slump right now. I don't know why. What I do know is that I'm having a hard time enjoying church. I can't concentrate when I pray. I can't concentrate enough to read my Bible. What is up? There is not that much going on in my life right now. I should be in a spiritual calm. But I'm not.

Today was Friends and Family Day at church. It's what we call our Black History program. I'm not real big on staying after service for stuff. Especially when eating is involved.

I had to catch a ride to church today with Middle Sister. I dropped my car off with Big Brother so that he could install my new hinge bushings. I had also promised my dad that I would help him with some insurance paperwork, so I needed to get back to the house by 2PM. I was tutoring a kid after service as well. Anyhow, I got my dad to pick me up when I was done. He dropped me to get my car. We went over his papers. And that was that.

I realized today that my mom and dad are A LOT alike. Maybe that is why it didn't work out. After all this time - and 2 stepmoms - I would like to see it work out for them. If for no other reason than for the Monkeys to have grandparents who are together. But anyway.

I finally got to talk to Faith today. I was so excited to see her name pop up on my callerID. Faith and I have not seen each other since November 1993. And the last time I talked to her was in April 1994 when she called to tell me she was pregnant with her oldest son.

As with all my true friends I have reconnected with, it was like no time had passed. In 1 hour and 38 minutes, we managed to catch up on 14 years. Lots of interesting stuff - from both sides. As well as reminiscing about the "good old days."

We are planning to get together in June. I can't wait!! She is one of the sweetest people I know. She set me up with my first real boyfriend. And she is still heartbroken that it didn't work out. LOL. I'm not.

Big Monkey was just diagnosed with strep throat tonight. We spent the afternoon together yesterday - he complained most of the day of a sore throat. I really hope that I am not getting it. My throat has been kinda achy all day. I can't be sick. I can't be sick. I can't be sick.

Movie Review - Soldier's Girl

2008-02-24T23:43:00.000-06:00

Earlier this week, I was browsing Amazon.com to see if anything on my wish list was reduced price. As luck would have it, the videos I had wish listed for Middle Sister's birthday present were on sale. So, I ordered them. I also ordered "Soldier's Girl" since I needed $25 to get that free, super-saver shipping.

I learned about "Soldier's Girl" while I was obsessing over Lee Pace when "Pushing Daisies" premiered. I've had a tiny crush on Lee Pace since "Wonderfalls". He's extremely cute and tall.

Having spent 15 years associated with the military, I am NOT a fan of military movies. But the premise of "Soldier's Girl" had me interested. It's a love story. I am also NOT a fan of sappy romance movies, either. But this one is different. I like a romance story with a twist - and this movie has a sharp one.

"Soldier's Girl" is a true story. The events took place on an Army base in Kentucky in 1999. The movie premiered on Showtime in 2003. Basically, this young soldier, Barry Winchell, falls in love with a transgendered *girl,* Calpernia Addams; his roommate is a psychopath; stuff happens; Barry ends up murdered. I think his roommate was in love with him or jealous that he was able to get one of the girls from the drag club while the roommate was not.

There is some great acting in this movie. Troy Garity (Jane Fonda's son) is great. Andre Braugher from "Homicide: Life on the Streets" and "Frequency" is always great in everything. And Lee Pace is a very pretty girl. Awesome acting on his part.

Too many "love scenes" for my taste considering Troy and Lee are both real live boys. But a good story, nonetheless.

I'm probably the last person on the planet who had not seen this movie. However, if I am not, I highly recommend it. See it. I couldn't find it at any video stores, but it was well worth the $13 - I've watched it TWICE already, and I only got it in the mail yesterday.

Hey, Stranger

2008-02-23T22:16:00.000-06:00

Okay, I am amazingly GREAT at keeping in touch with people. Before email, I would write and send Christmas cards. I had the addresses of the parents of my military friends so that I would always be able to find them. If I cared enough about a person to call her or him a friend, I intended to keep in touch.

So, today I finally get an email from Fella. I am sure that Best Buddy said something to him about me throwing in the towel. I am firm with the 3 strikes rule of just about everything. And it goes with communications, as well. If I attempt to contact you at 3 different times with reasonable intervals in between, I quit. And it's not that I give up easily, but I sure as heck don't chase.

So, Fella starts his email with "hey, stranger." Hey, stranger??? Me? The gal who wrote TO YOU twice without hearing as much as a peep within the last 10 days. I'M the stranger?

The other thing that pissed me off is that he wrote to me via Facebook. Um, we've been communicating email-to-email for the entirety of this "budding friendship," and you decide to write to me via Facebook which I would probably never check were it not for those email notifications they send when someone has acknowledged my presence there - which is how I knew of his email.

I did reply. It's the polite thing to do. And I tried to write a few things in there to make him feel like a louse without making me seem like a bitch. Like, when he asks about how my class was going, I didn't reply, "had you read previous emails, you'd know I was done." I just wrote that I got an A. And I also wrote, "I figured you must be sooooo busy since I had not heard from you in what seems like forever." No, I do not think he must be busy. He has time to email Best Buddy. Ha!!

I suppose it'll be another 10 days before I get my Facebook response to this email. No matter. It's just entertainment now.

I got an A

2008-02-23T00:14:00.000-06:00

My instructor finally posted my grades for last week. I got an A! I wanted an A. I worked for an A. I needed a B to continue with my student teaching. And I was really nervous about all of the assignments. I got all the points for all the assignments EXCEPT part II of the teacher work sample. I knew I would not get all the points. I was not able to make myself think what I needed to write for a particular section.

Of course, I will go back and correct this deficiency before submitting the final product. I might even do that next week. That way, I can start compiling parts I and II into my "master work sample."

She was very impressed with my part I. I did go above and beyond for that section. Not only did I answer the required questions, but I also addressed several of the optional ones. It was too easy not to do it.

So, now, I have 2 hours left and I'm done with my masters. That light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter every day.

***********************

Subbing today was okay. We did worksheets in most of the classes. The algebra II class didn't ask a lot of questions. My feelings were hurt. However, my niece told my sister that I helped her a lot today. She's in my first period geometry class.

I got all the worksheets graded before I left, too. And there were a bunch. I had to take up worksheets from last night as well as the worksheets they worked on in class.

I also decided to make me a chart that tells me what the students' grades are based on how many questions they missed and how many questions were on the test. Other Pregnant Teacher had a slider that provided such a purpose. I loved it. So, I made myself a chart. There is software you can buy for this purpose, but I'm not in the mood for paying for a service I can put the time into doing for free.

*******************

I went back to the Chevrolet place and got my other two hinges today. Luckily, the guy from yesterday was not there. It would not have been a big deal. I just don't want those folks to think I'm incompetent when it comes to the automotive. I have a pretty good grasp. I listen to "Car Talk" on NPR. I know what's up... for the most part. I actually noticed before I left their lot yesterday that I needed 2 more hinge bushings, I just didn't want to write a check.

Hopefully, I can get that done tomorrow. It's been a long time since my door performed the way it's supposed to. It will be nice to not have to worry about that.

It's been a long day. And I'm looking forward to not doing a lot tomorrow. I did clean up my desk area tonight. It was driving me crazy. I'll do the rest of my room and laundry in the morning. Get everything folded, hung, and put away. Nice and clean for the rest of the weekend.

I'll be tutoring a kid after church on Sunday. Hope that goes well. Especially since I'm going to be offering my services for free.

I think I'll put my earplugs in tonight. My mom is in a *hateful make all the noise in the world* kinda mood.

*********************************

Oh, I watched "Lipstick Jungle" online this evening. I don't know how I'm feeling about this show. I mean, that one chick, are smart women really that stupid? She had to know that saying something about that guy would get him fired. And she had to know that he would be pissed. And now, he's suing for sexual harassment. She is so totally screwed. But didn't she see that coming? It was so predictable.

Anyway, enough rambling. Brush teeth. Go to sleep. Wild Friday night!! Woo!!!

TJIT - Thank Jesus It's Thursday

2008-02-22T01:38:00.000-06:00

So, did I happen to mention that I was locked in the junior high school building yesterday? That was nice. As if I didn't have a bad enough day dealing with those uncaged animals. I guess none of the teachers stay past last bell, because that place was ghost town and locked up at 3:10.

I didn't have to deal with that today. They got the old preacher man sub to fill in for Other Pregnant Teacher. Nice. I did not ask anyone who was filling in because I didn't want to give anyone the impression that I cared. And, as my mother would say, "If you are so concerned about it, why don't you just do it." No, thank you. I just waited for someone else to ask, and I eavesdropped.

*******************

So, Best Friend is back from her weekend getaway with Man. It would seem they had a good time. He said all the things she wanted/needed to hear. And I was really hoping that this trip would put an end to all the doubts she has. And for one day, I was in the clear. I didn't have to be the rhetorical sounding board.

So, the thing that kinda peeved me about the trip is the fact that he says that paying for half of the ticket and hotel room was his Valentine's Day gift to her. So, what, he didn't benefit from the trip? Did he not want to see her? I just don't like that at all. It was their first Valentine's Day together, and she got him a gift. He should have gotten her something she could keep and see and touch. I guess she can frame her airline ticket stubs.

I also don't like the fact that he didn't see the need for phone conversations after the trip since they had "just seen each other." And I don't like the fact that she is starting all of our phone conversations with "what do you think about this?"

Really? What do I think? I think that if a relationship is giving you this much emotional stress and doubt; you might need to pack it up. I think that if you can't trust what your man is telling you; you might need to pack it up. I think that if you are worried that your man is going to leave you; you will bring your worst fears to fruition by having negative thoughts AND you might need to pack it up.

I have told Best Friend all these things. I just don't know how I can get her to hear me.

But on a somewhat happy note, Good Friend is breaking free from her toxic relationship and talking with an ex from back home. I really don't like this ex, but he is more suitable than the current fella and with much less baby mama drama - none, in fact.

I call this guy "all break ups are final" because he once told her that he didn't believe in dating a person he's broken up with in the past because, obviously, there was a reason so strong for a break up that you couldn't work through it. But hey, he's better than the guy she's pining over. Or was pining over. I don't know what that status is.

And me, I've got no man drama. I'm emailing with a guy I was kinda talking to a while ago. He got busy and just stopped emailing. I assumed he wasn't interested, he says that is not the case. He emailed me out of the blue a few weeks ago, and I've been trying to be "understanding" and not freeze him out when he doesn't email as much as I'd like. Work and kids (twins) keep him busy.

I got an email from Hugs the other day. He's extended his contract again. We are never going to be on the same continent, let alone in the same state, at any point to give anything a try. But, oh the memories.

I've given up on Fella, and I wrote Best Buddy to tell her that I gave it my best shot. I think she will want to blame me for that not working out for reasons I will probably discuss at some point, but not tonight. But I did try. Honestly, I usually don't try with friend match-making.

Well, tomorrow is going to be a great day. I am going to be in the classroom by myself. I'm going to help all the kids get more confused. I'm going to just relax.

I do have to go BACK to the Chevrolet place and get another set of hinge bushings. I only got one set (2) today; but after inspecting my door, I think it best to replace them all while I have the door off the hinges. Will save me much trouble in the long run.

And that will be that. I have no plans for tomorrow. I want to go to bed early, but we'll just have to see how that works out for me. It usually never does.

Peace Out

2008-02-21T00:40:00.000-06:00

So, for anyone of the three people who read me who may not know, I am joining the Peace Corps. It was a decision I made after visiting a refugee camp in Kabul while I was deployed to Afghanistan back in 2006.

I have always wanted a job where I could help people. I thought I would be able to do that in the military, but it was never really personally or spiritually fulfilling in the way I hoped it would be. The spiritual highlight of my military career was my deployment to Afghanistan.

The reason why is because, up until then, I never had any faith in myself. And by not having faith in myself, I was not really having the right kind of faith in God. I was raised by a divorced mom in the deep south. It seemed my mother always made about $1 too much. We never got any government assistance because my dad was "supposed" to be paying child support. Nevermind the fact that he wasn't. No, they didn't take that into account.

So, the majority of my childhood included bologna sandwiches and pork and beans. To this day, I cannot eat either. I had wonderful grandparents helping to raise me and my sisters, too. At Biggy's (short for Big Momma) we had pinto beans - all the time. Occasionally, we would get hamburgers. And then there was the phase Biggy went through were she put cheese on top of anything and called it a casserole. Oh, and her "Suddenly Salad" phase - I loved that phase.

And then there were MawMaw and PawPaw. That was the "summer farm living" that so many kids dream of.... LOL. Okay, I didn't mind going there. It was different than being at home or at Biggy's. There was no junk food and MawMaw and PawPaw's because my momma said so. And PawPaw never did anything go against anything my momma said. We usually had pinto beans, potato soup and cornbread there. And on the Sunday, we would have chicken (fresh, if you know what I mean) with gravy for breakfast and "other" meat for lunch and dinner. PawPaw was an avid hunter.

So, back to my point. Since I've been on my own, I've always been afraid of being poor. And, to be honest, I've never had a lot of faith in myself to do anything. But while I was deployed, I had to do the jobs of 3 people. I was able to learn all three jobs and perform very proficiently in less than 6 months. That was when I really realized that I could do ANYTHING I wanted to do, and I could do it well. I was no longer trapped by irrational fear. So, I decided to give up my very well paying job as an officer in the military to join the Peace Corps.

It has not been as smooth a road as I had hoped. I was supposed to be in Africa this past November, but I had a medical issue come up. Something that runs in my family that chose this time in my life to manifest itself. But that is okay. Everything happens for a reason. I'm all about God's plan. Besides, if I had gotten assigned to Kenya, I'd be moving right now. They are suspending operations there for a while. I also ended up not being able to student teach during the time frame I had planned, so going in November would not have been a good time as far as finishing my masters.

So, now my health issue is coming along nicely. I have one more appointment to go in late June/early July, and I will be medically cleared. It has been frustrating dealing with the Peace Corps medical people. Every time I send them something, they request something new. And then they treat me as if I should have known that one thing would lead to the other. No, not really.

My latest dilemma has been a HepA blood test. I had the bloodwork done. I sent it in. They sent me a letter telling me I didn't send it. I asked my doctor for the blood test, and he SHOWED me on the paperwork that I sent Peace Corps where it was done.

And what does Peace Corps have to say, "Sorry about that, even professionals make mistakes." Well, yeah, that's understandable, but whatever happened to check and double check? And do you even know what you're looking for anyway?

My medical liaison also told me NOT to send my latest bunch of paperwork until my very last appointment. I really don't want to wait. I want them to have everything as it becomes available to me. That way, they have between now and July to get everything reviewed. And it also keeps me in contact with them. And in July, they are only waiting on ONE thing from me. So, I'm not going to rush the paperwork to them, but I am going to send it before July. Sorry, Anthony, but I don't have a bunch of faith in y'all not to screw me over right now.

If all goes as planned, I should be out of here between September and November. I am very excited to go. I am happy to be at a place in my life where making about $6 a day does not bother me. I am happy to be at a place in my life where living in a country possibly without running water or electricity or both does not bother me. Okay, not having a daily bath does bother me, so I hope that does happen even if it's in a riverbank. But I'm very happy.

And the most important thing to me is to be able to spend time teaching children who will truly value their education. Children who are in my classroom because they desire to be. Children who see education as a privilege and not a burden. It will be something to keep me going when (if) I come back to the States and have to deal with American kids who aren't as interested in education.

So, that is where I'm at right now. Totally in love with life.

Reasonably Happy Gal

Fare thee well, 2010

I Dream of…

I Miss Fruit & Home

Anti-Black?

No School This Week

Cloudy Days so no power to blog this week

Happy Mother’s Day

Rainy season was supposed to be over

TGIF

I can’t sleep at night; I toss and turn; listening for the telephone

May 6, 2009

Crazy Dreams – May 5, 2009

The Generosity of People…

Back to the Grind – April 29, 2009

My Crib

First-time Homeowner

I'd Rather Have Rush Hour

Almost through the first term

Back to School

Friday, January 9, 2009

Happy New Year

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 – I Swear

Tuesday, October 14, 2008 – School

Sunday, October 12, 2008 – More Milestones

October 9, 2009 - Milestones

October 6, 2008 – Kissing frogs and reptiles

October 5, 2008 – My first “oh crap!” moment

October 3rd, 2008 – for just $2.00 a day you can sponsor a PCT in Malawi

October 2nd, 2008 – I’ve got mail!

October 1st, 2008 – Cramming it all in

I won an award, OMG!!

Strange bedfellows and my life in Malawi

Greetings from South Africa

Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number

Letters to Myself

Malawi

Losing that Loving Feeling…. For Tv

Sweet November

The Pregnant Man Gave Birth

Redeemed

Happy New Year

I seriously suck

Letters to myself

Holiday Christians

Words of Wisdom (from chain email)

Letting Go

Productive (with a capital “P”)

Stuff and Tv

Is it gone?

Don’t Answer the Phone

Peeved

Diggin’ Up Bones

Saw II

Racism and “Sex”

Score!!!

An Experiment in Avoidance

The Spirit of the Soul

Happy Birthday, Tutti

For Sentimental Reasons

Just One of Dem Days…

PRAXIS

When we last left our heroine…

Just when I was about to give up hope…

Why Married People Suck

Married (Coupled) People Who Share Email

Why single people suck

Live and Let Live, I Guess

Prom Night III: Sloppy Soundtrack/Awesome "After Party"

*Stating* the obvious

One of *those* dreams

Pooped

Only one more to go!

He's Just Not *That* Into You... Anymore

Georgie Porgie Puddin and Pie

Love isn't supposed to make you crazy, is it?

Summer of '86

Skittles

Recurrent dreams and irrational phobias

why the CW sucks

Stating the obvious

One of those dreams

He's Just Not That Into You... Anymore